A few days ago, I was standing at the train station waiting for my train. I was going to the airport to pick up a friend of mine. As I stood there waiting for the train, plenty of people passed me by. Four older men, at separate times, approached me and tried to talk to me. They attempted to start conversations with things like "hey beautiful" and "what's a pretty girl like you doing here all by yourself". One of them whistled at me. When I ignored these men or looked away, they were angry and asked why I was “so uptight.”
I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a cardigan. I had a book in my hand. I put on makeup that morning because I wanted to cover up a blemish on my face. I kept to myself. When I left for the train station I felt good about the day. Before I even got on my train, those men had made me feel uncomfortable and dirty just for standing at the train station.
I hate that I can't go anywhere without thinking of how random people are going to see me. I often don’t wear dresses or tank tops because I don’t want men that I don’t know to approach me. I hate that I cannot feel safe on my own, even in a public place like the train station. I hate that something a stranger says to me can dictate how the rest of my day goes. I hate that a man can make me feel dirty and cheap just for being who I am.
When I was in middle school, I used to watch movies and imagine how good it would feel for a guy to whistle at me as I walked past. I remember being told to accept any compliment given to me by a man. I remember being told that getting catcalled by older men is flattering. I remember parents and adults telling me that guys will make fun of you because they like you. From a very young age, girls are told that boys will be boys. Boys will be boys, but girls have to be exactly what society asks of them to be appropriate. Good girls will dress well. Girls won't approach boys. Girls will not curse. Girls will dress modestly so that boys will not be distracted. A common insult for young men is that they do something like a girl, as if that makes it worse or less valuable. “You throw like a girl” and “you hit like a girl” are sayings that not only take away a young man’s masculinity, but make girls feel automatically inferior to males.
School dress codes are created to make boys feel more comfortable in school by taking away clothes that make girls feel comfortable in school. While I do agree that in some cases, dress codes are beneficial to students and help them to learn better, I also believe that no girl should be removed from the learning environment just because her leggings show the shape of her legs too much. Girls are relentlessly taught to dress a certain way and watch out for guys, but guys are not taught in this way to respect women and to do what they can to make the girls and women in their lives feel safe and comfortable.
Even now that I am in college, I see subtle (and not so subtle) sexism in everything that I do. Guys in the gym are frequently shirtless playing basketball and I am forced to take off my jacket before walking in the gym to prove to someone that my tank top covers enough of my shoulders. Parents of other students seemed appalled when they saw me moving myself out of my dorm on my own and packing my car because “a girl like you can’t do that on her own.” It is automatically assumed that my goal in life is to get married and have children.
Whether my goal in life is to get married and have kids or to live alone and work (or anything in between) is not for anyone else to decide. My life is my own. I should not feel attacked because I want to stand at a train station. I should not have to feel unsafe walking down the street alone. I should not feel obligated to be anything or do anything just because society says that I should. I should not feel unsafe going somewhere by myself.
“Don’t be so bossy.” “Are you sure that’s appropriate to wear to school? That’s going to distract the guys.” “Are you going to be a stay-at-home mom when you get married and have kids?” “You have on too much make-up.” “Who are you trying to impress?” “You should wear something a little more flattering.” “He picks on you because he likes you.” “It must be that time of the month.” “Boys will be boys.”
Catcalls are not compliments. Being shouted at, whistled at, harassed, ogled, and underestimated are things that women and girls are forced to face every day, but the worst part of it is that women are no longer surprised when these things happen to them. We are told that “boys will be boys” and girls have to change to adjust. Why not change the standard of respect that boys and men give to women? Instead of teaching women to change themselves to make men comfortable, why can we not teach men to honor and respect these wives, mothers, and daughters for who they are?
