For whatever reason, it seems that too many men can't wrap their head around the fact that catcalling is not a compliment.
It's fair to say that nearly every woman on the face of the Earth has been yelled at, honked at, or whistled at while walking down the street, to the point of feeling uncomfortable or unsafe. As a college student who works late hours at a smoke shop in a busy city, I experience more sexual harassment than some women might. Whether I'm wearing sweatpants or a sundress, or whether it's 9 a.m. or 3 a.m., at least a few times a week, some grown man will comment on my appearance as I walk by. I'm so used to it that I typically don't bat an eye, and I normally wouldn't write an article on it. The other night, however, I was faced with a situation which bothered me profusely.
Two 19-year-old girls entered my store to look around for incense and cigars for a birthday gift. As they were browsing and we were chatting, two men entered the store after them cursing and screaming. One yelled, "You dumb rude a** b*tch, who do you think you are?" My coworker and I froze as they approached the counter demanding cigarettes. "Who are you speaking to like that?" I asked. The guy spat in my face as he slurred, "Those stupid c*nts over there. They ain't even cute, stuck up b*tches." I looked over at the two girls faces stiffened with fear. "If you keep screaming like that you're going to have to leave," I told them.
The man proceeded to curse and yell some more before his friend stepped in front of him and asked for cigarettes a second time. My coworker sold them to him quietly, as to not exacerbate the situation any further. After they left, the one man still cursing under his breath, I was fuming. I wanted to tell them they were the scum of the earth, that those girls don't owe them anything, and that they have zero right to walk into a store and speak to anyone that way. But I didn't, because throughout many of the disturbing and dangerous situations I've encountered at my job, I've learned to keep my loud mouth shut sometimes. I've never been good at biting my tongue, but as a woman, I was taught that sometimes it's better not to test your luck. There's always the looming fear that an angry man will physically assault us so rarely do we actually tell men to piss off. Our silence, strangely enough, seems to make them even angrier.
The two girls explained that those men had told them they were cute and when they said nothing back, they started following them. They didn't expect to be followed into the store, or to be publicly humiliated and harassed. One of the girls, with tears in her eyes, asked me where the nearest place to get pepper spray was. I gave her mine and told them to stay safe, but I couldn't stop thinking about them for several hours after they had left. I had no words to console them, because explaining that it happens to me all the time and that you just have to get used to it isn't really helpful. I shouldn't be used to it, because it shouldn't be happening. Women shouldn't be told to "grow thicker skin," "learn to take a compliment," or "stop being so sensitive." Those girls clearly did not feel flattered as they clutched my pepper spray on their walk home.
It blows my mind that women are blamed for not enjoying these supposedly harmless and complimentary slurs. According to researchers with anti-harassment group Hollaback and Cornell University, 84 percent of women have been catcalled by the time they reach age 17. In addition to that, a majority of women report feeling angry, annoyed, disgusted, nervous and scared when catcalled, according to research by Hollaback conducted on the streets of Boston. If these comments are intended as compliments, they're seriously missing the mark. If men continue to ignore women when we say that catcalling is not a compliment, they are blatantly disregarding our humanity and our rights to our own bodies. Women are not property, and we don't owe anyone a thank you or a conversation. It’s time to let men know that catcalling is not flattering, and that they need to keep their comments to themselves. It's not a matter of wearing more clothing, carrying pepper spray, or growing thicker skin, it’s a matter of educating men and women about respect — how to give it and get it.
