I Don't Care...Or Well, Maybe Just A Little Bit

I Don't Care...Or Well, Maybe Just A Little Bit

Sometimes it's better to just not care, but that doesn't mean not caring at all.

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I don't care, at least not about the little things. I don't care about the problems that in the large scheme of things won't matter. These little mistakes won't affect my future or even matter in the next few hours. You see, worrying about everything only makes you more stressed, and I think we have enough stress in our lives already.

So yeah, I don't care if I run out to the grocery store looking like a train wreck - hair in a messy bun and XL T-shirt wrinkled to hell. I don't care if I accidentally spill the cup of water off my desk or if I break a nail. If I cared about every little thing that happened to be I'd be drowning. I have bigger fish to fry and more important stuff to worry about than little mishaps that pop up in my day. I didn't always use to be like this though. There was a time where every spill, every mistake, every mess up use to send me over the edge. I spent more time being upset about what happened then figuring out how to fix it. So now when I knocked over my water, I wipe it up. When I break a nail I cut my losses and clip the rest of them.

There are times to care and times not to. Your reaction to something can illustrate to others what is important in your life. When EVERYTHING is important than nothing is worth more than something else. This can lead to explosions of emotions and unsure feelings which only make the whole situation worse. This also means making yourself so much more stressed out than you need to be.

Your hair doesn't always have to be perfect and your clothes don't always have to be ironed. Sometimes it's okay to just not care. Not caring releases a lot of stress and allows you to focus on more pertinent items. Yes, sometimes it's the "little things" that make life meaningful and unique. I'm not talking about the good little things but rather the little errors along the way. I'm in no way saying that you should not care at all. What I'm saying is not everything is a personal attack on you, even though you might see it that way at the moment. Try and take a deep breath before expressing emotions that might not be as an appropriate reaction as you think.

And yes, there are things you need to focus on and should evoke certain emotions when they happen. You should care about how you look for a job interview or when meeting your significant other's family for the first time. So find out what you should care about. If you realize that it's every little detail than maybe you need to step away and look at the big picture.

Save the sadness and stress for life's overwhelming problems. If you find yourself upset over every flop that happens then you might need to sit down and reevaluate the significance you place on each thing. It's okay to be dramatic sometimes and over the top, but you should also work to understand why you act that way. Trust me, I'm one of the most dramatic people you'll meet but most of the time it's just for show. I can't remember the last time, a little bit of spilled milk, actually ruined my day. And if it did, then there was probably an underlying problem.

Just try it. Next time a little accident occurs, don't care. Fix the problem and be on your way. Trust me, it helps to decompress and not be so hard on yourself sometimes. I don't care, well I mean maybe I do a little bit, but only with the situations that truly matter.

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I Ghosted My Old Self For 5 Months In An Effort To Reevaluate My Life

My life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

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BREAKING (not fake) NEWS: It's true, you have to hit your lowest before hitting your highest.

I want to share my lowest with you, and I'm almost ashamed to say it had nothing to do with the loss of both of my parents. I like to think I handled that like a warrior.

Turns out I didn't, and the hurt I've been burying from that hit me all at once, the same moment my life fell apart faster than a drunk dude approaching a Jenga stack.

My life flipped upside down overnight back in August. I had my heart broken shattered, lost two very important friendships that I thought were with me until the end, lost my 9-5 job, my health took a hit stronger than a boulder, and I was absolutely lost. For the first time, ever, I let go of the reigns on my own life. I had no idea how to handle myself, how to make anyone around me happy, how to get out of bed or how to even begin the process of trying to process what the f*ck just happened. I was terrified.

Coming from the girl who never encountered a dilemma she couldn't fix instantaneously, on her own, with no emotional burden. I was checked out from making my life better. So I didn't try. I didn't even think about thinking about trying.

The only relatively understandable way I could think to deal with anything was to not deal with anything. And that's exactly what I did. And it was f*cking amazing.

I went into hiding for a week, then went on a week getaway with my family, regained that feeling of being loved unconditionally, and realized that's all I need. They are all I need. Friends? Nah. Family. Only. Always.

On that vacation, I got a call from the school district that they wanted me in for an interview the day I come home. It was for a position that entailed every single class, combined, that I took in my college career. It was a career that I had just gotten my degree for three months before.

I came home and saw my doctor and got a health plan in order. I was immediately thrown into the month-long hiring process for work. I made it a point to make sunset every single night, alone, to make sure I was mentally caught up and in-check at the same exact speed that my life was turning. I was not about to lose my control again. Not ever.

Since August, I have spent more time with family than ever. I've read over 10 new books, I've discovered so much new music, I went on some of my best, the worst and funniest first dates, I made true, loyal friends that cause me zero stress while completely drowning me in overwhelming amounts of love and support, I got back into yoga, and I started that job and damn near fell more in love with it than I ever was for the guy I lost over the summer.

But most importantly, I changed my mindset. I promised myself to not say a single sentence that has a negative tone to it. I promised myself to think three times before engaging in any type of personal conversation. I promised myself to wake up in a good mood every damn day because I'm alive and that is the only factor I should need to be happy.

Take it from a girl who knew her words were weapons and used them frequently before deciding to turn every aspect of her life into positivity — even in the midst of losing one of my closest family members. I have been told multiple times, by people so dear to me that I'm "glowing." You know what I said back? F*ck yes I am, and I deserve to.

I am so happy with myself and it has nothing to do with the things around me. It's so much deeper than that, and I'm beaming with pride. Of myself. For myself.

I want to leave you with these thoughts that those people who have hurt me, left me, and loved me through these last couple of months have taught me

Growth is sometimes a lonely process.
Some things go too deep to ever be forgotten.
You need to give yourself the permission to be happy right now.
You outgrow people you thought you couldn't live without, and you're not the one to blame for that. You're growing.
Sometimes it takes your break down to reach your breakthrough.

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

My god, it's so f*cking good.

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A Letter to Myself as I Begin 2019

What I need to remember in this fresh, new year.

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Dear Me,

Happy 2019! A new year, a blank page. 2018 was so good to you! From spring breaking in Costa Rica, competing in your last dance competition, attending your last prom, dancing in your last recital, graduating high school, traveling to Los Angeles for the first time, moving into your college dorm, starting to teach your own dance classes, watching your sister get married, and finishing your first semester of college. Whew! What a year. As this new year begins you're setting all sorts of goals and aspirations for yourself. I'd like you to enforce a few different main ideas this year in hopes that you'll achieve all you want to do. Here they are...

1. Believe in yourself 

Everyone is always saying to set attainable goals for yourself so you’re not disappointed etc. That’s great and all, but don’t be scared by your big goals and aspirations that are going to take lots of work. Dream big, believe you can and will do it, and work hard.

2. Stay focused

Keep everything in sight and always think about the bigger picture. Live in the moment as much as possible, but don’t forget to keep your eyes on what you really want by the end of the year.

3. Spread so much love 

Be kinder than you’ve ever been. Keep a wide open mind, and love the people in your life endlessly. Make more people smile and never forget to be empathetic.

4. Live your best life

You only have one life, and who knows how many years.

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