One thing that’s absolutely crazy to me is the obsession with women’s virginity. It’s 2017, how is this still an issue? If you’re sitting there wondering what obsession I’m talking about, I’m reflecting on the fact that if you lose it by a young age you’re a slut, if you haven’t lost it by age 20 or so it’s even worse because now you’re a prude, and if you choose to be frustrated with the entire concept you’re annoying.
Obviously, choosing to have sex or not is a big decision. But it’s one each person should make on their own, without pressure from anyone else. What’s so crazy to me is that virginity is literally not even a thing. It does not exist. Like so many other societal constraints, it is a socially constructed norm. It’s made up, yet most of the population is letting it run their lives.
Virginity is not having sex, and losing your virginity happens the first time you have it. But the truth is, the first time you have it is exactly the same (theoretically) as the second, third, twentieth, hundredth, or thousandth time you do it. It’s time to lose this fake concept or to at LEAST stop giving it the intense power it has but doesn’t deserve.
Virginity was created at a time when women had to be pure, and a broken hymen, through sex or anything else, was a problem. In fact, it was usually talked about when selling women for sex or to be someone’s wife, because women who were virgins were worth more. I like to think that in most places in the world, we are past times like that, yet we keep using the same unnecessary language on the topic. I obviously agree that sex is an adult decision and young girls (or boys!) shouldn’t be running around having it, but I don’t see a problem with adult women and men choosing to have sex, and I support anyone who abstains from it for religious, moral, or other reasons. I don’t judge anyone based on whether or not they’ve had sex, and I don’t ask that anyone explains their reasoning to me...because I’m a decent human being.
The concept of virginity is especially troubling to me because of the stigma that surrounds it. What age was it lost at, what does that mean for you as a person, etc. Past all of what it means to be a woman judged on her virginity, it greatly concerns me that men are pressured to lose it so quickly, when they may not be ready. It concerns me that the definition of virginity leaves out all people except heterosexual couples. It also upsets me that virginity is such a strong stigma because many people have to “lose” theirs when they are sexually assaulted, which adds yet another layer of shame onto a victim who already has enough problems surrounding their assault.
Virginity is an extremely objectifying concept, turning something that’s supposed to be about love or pleasure into treating another human being as an object, which happens on both sides, both male and female. Sex as a young adult is often less about enjoying the act itself and more about losing virginity as if a socially constructed norm is something that can be “taken” from a person or “given” away. The way we talk about this concept makes sex something we feel rushed into or something we feel guilty about having. With the concept of virginity intact, the slut-shaming and prude-shaming doesn't end, and there’s no way to win. It makes both men and women police their bodies more than necessary.
Once upon a time, virginity had a point, but it’s 2017. It’s time to eradicate this concept from being such a big deal, and let everyone do whatever the hell they please with their own bodies when they’re good and ready.
