I hate cardigans. I hate the way they look on people. I hate the way people style them. And I especially hate how they ruin a perfectly good outfit.
My hatred for cardigans began at a young age. My mom would say, “Caroline, why don’t you bring a cardigan just in case it gets cold” or “You know what would look cute with that? A cardigan.” I love my mom and she is one of the most stylish people I know, which is why I can openly criticize her regarding her love of cardigans. To be honest, I think she was brainwashed by society into thinking that cardigans are an acceptable piece of clothing. If you think about it, cardigans are sold at every single store in America—but that doesn’t make them okay.
As described by the oh-so-credible website, Wikipedia, a cardigan is “a type of knitted garment that has an open front. Commonly cardigans are buttoned or zipped, but a garment that is tied would instead be considered a robe.” The genius behind this definition is basically saying that the item of clothing you wear to get your morning paper and throw on after a shower (aka a piece of clothing you would never be caught dead in at the grocery store, work, or out to dinner with your significant other) is basically the same as the piece of clothing you wear at the grocery store, work, and out to dinner with your significant other with the only difference being that it has buttons? Hm…
I get it. Cardigans are comfortable and versatile. But so are bed sheet and a brown paper bag. You don’t see people walking around in those, do you? (Note: you actually might see this if you live in a big city, like me, where people honestly don’t care what they look like.)
I blame Mr. Rogers (RIP) for the cardigan’s popularity. As the host of a children’s television program, he was able to infect the minds of impressionable individuals into thinking that cardigans were stylish. They were not cool then and they are not cool now. Plus, who even wants to be like Mr. Rogers? All he did was sing creepy songs and play with train sets AKA act like a child when he was practically a senior citizen.
Now comes the part where I beg you to throw away your cardigans. Burn them if you have to. Get it out of your head that you look good in it and that it keeps you warm because it accomplishes neither of those things. Just because Forever 21 sells it, does not make it fashionable. Buy a sweater, buy a sweatshirt, buy anything that is not a cardigan…well don’t buy Crocs because those suck too. If you choose to keep your cardigans and continue wearing them, then fine. But just know that I am silently making fun of you and that you and your lack of fashion sense is the inspiration behind this piece.
