Let me tell y'all about the first time I met up with my mans before he was actually my mans. I've been dating this dude for a little over a year and two months. Y'all probably think this is gonna be a mushy story, but just wait... y'all going to be shook.
So, I was never the dating type. Yeah, I liked to flirt with guys and all that, but dating just wasn't for me. It was senior year of high school and I was about to GET OUT!!! Tinder was a big thing and it was so fun. If y'all reading this, shaking your heads you better stop! I know y'all were on there too swiping and what not.
ANYWAYS... I was swiping and doing my thing when this boy matched with me and sent me some cheesy pickup line. I am a SUCKER for cheesy pickup lines. So I play along and all that knowledge for dang sure that this was not gonna go anywhere. This goes on for like a week and this guy really trine meet up and hang out. I was like "no, this homie gonna snatch me and sell me off." all kinds of crazy stuff.
But, one night I was at my best girlfriend's house and YOU KNOW we were both on tinder messing with these dudes' heads and one wanted to come pick her up and hang out. THIS GIRL SAID YES. No joke she was gonna leave me at her house while she snuck out. I was like heck no. If you going then I'm going. So we both leave. She goes with this guy to Sonic or something and I drive down to Coastal. It's the college in my hometown. I roll up dressed in an XL t-shirt and running shorts, my hair in a braid, and no makeup. I was the honest-to-God definition of raggedy.
Let me back up for a second — before we left my girl's house she got nervous and threw up. Okay, cool now you know I got sick because she did. Disgusting, I know, but this is crucial to the most embarrassing moments of my life coming up.
Back to the story — I pull up to Coastal and this dude waiting outside for me. I walk up and the first thing out of my mouth was "I just left this girl's house and we both threw up before we left, but I brushed my teeth!" I swear on my life y'all. I was so nervous I was saying whatever popped into my brain.
Bless his heart he just laughed. So we go and sit in the lobby of his dorm building??? That was awkward. I mean I wasn't planning on doing anything with him, but it was weird. So we're talking about our families and lives and all that and he asks me what was wrong with my legs...
Y'all I tried to shave my legs before I got there with a SINGLE blade razor and it cut off the tips of my hair follicles. It looked like I had leprosy. And my dumb mouth told him exactly that. No lies.
At this point, I just wanted to go. My dignity was in shambles. So we are heading back out to my car and he was telling me more about where he worked over the summer with his uncle. He was a plumber. As I was getting into my car my last words were "Alright goodnight GOLDEN PLUMBER BOY!" I swear if I could've made it happen I would've had the ground split and suck me up. I went back to my girl's house and contemplated plastic surgery to change my face.
But, months later we started dating — so yeah. The unfortunate thing is that this is not the most embarrassing thing I've ever done that he has looked over. God bless him for it. Maybe y'all will find those out another time. This story had enough embarrassment in it for now.