I assume, since no man is perfect in this world, that no one actually knows everything. That means not one person will have the answers to everything. In other words, not one person alone can answer it all. That should put my mind to rest right? That should bring my skyrocketing heart rate down when I get stumped by a question. That should be a good reminder for me, saying, "it's okay that you are not sure what the correct answer to this question is, just ask someone else."
It's not any of that actually. Like, none, at all.
At least, not for me. Knowing that I will never be able to answer every question asked of me makes me anxious. See, I have always wanted to know answers. I was that way when I was a little kid, and still am that way now. It's not because I want to be a miss smarty pants and show off what I know. There is just a part of me that finds satisfaction in figuring out the answers to questions, easy and hard. My parents never had to worry about a teacher suggesting that their grade school kiddo needs to come out of their shell and participate more in class when parent - teacher conferences rolled around. Quite the contrary, my oh so beloved teachers would encourage my parents to address me on shouting out the answers to questions they had no even asked yet ( sorry teachers). Maybe its the activator strength in me that drives to answer the question/solve the problem. Maybe its the need to please people by providing answers. It could be a multitude of things working together. I can't even answer the questions of why I always feel compelled to find answers. Ironic. (If you know the answer to that, let me know) ;). As I said, whenever I get stumped on a question I cannot answer, I am not eased by a suggestion of asking someone else. My heart pounds and my stomach drops like the tower of terror. Anxiety sets in, and in the end, I want to curl up and cry.
K. Sooooo....
To avoid this feeling, I strive for answers. I read alot, write, ask questions myself, listen to podcasts ans sermons and watch out for things via media. All this is ensure that I can swoop in and answer all those questions that have others worried sick.
Recently, the Lord has been helping me turn a new leaf. As I try to be prepared for it all, I see there are still many unanswered questions I know nothing about. In these moments, I am starting to think of my Father in Heaven, and the veil he tore in order to take away that anxiety I get about the unknown. HE swoops in and replaces all that mess with a calm heart and sober mind. He says that the pressure to answer it all is off my shoulders. Its a worry I can cast away. What he does in that moment, is repeatedly answer a deeply pondered question I have.
"Can you know absolutely everything, and still fully love people who know so little?"
yes. He can. That satisfies, blesses, and encourages me.
Psalm 139: 1 "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me."
1 Corinthians 13:12 "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
