Repeat after me.
I am not alone.
Now say it again. Recite it -- over and over until you believe it to be true. Everybody has somebody, and if you think you don't, I’m sorry, but you're wrong. You have me. I don't care if we haven't talked in years, or if we just got off the phone. I don't care if we used to be close, or if we hate each other's guts. I don't care if we've only passed each other a few times in public, or if we've never even met. I don't care if you're a family member, friend, enemy, acquaintance, classmate, coworker, peer, or complete stranger. You have me.
Saying something is "the worst" is a matter of opinion, but suicide comes pretty damn close. How sad is it that people feel like they have no other option than to throw it all away? How awful is it that a community is rarely united until tragedy strikes? Why do we wait until it is too late to be there for one another? There are way too many scenarios where people fail to read the signs, or even intentionally turn their backs on someone who is secretly crying out for help. But when that horrific news hits us like a slew of knives, suddenly, everyone is on board to offer support. I’m certainly not saying that this is always the case because you can’t possibly be close with everyone in this world. However, it happens more often than not that people who had the chance to do something simply did not. I’ve seen, and heard of, one too many cases of these heinous acts. People, who once never bothered to be involved, are turning up out of the woodwork, singing praises of the deceased -- someone they never even so much as asked how their day was going in the past. Some even go as far to say there was nothing more to be done, that there was no other option, that it was only a matter of time before said person decided to end it-- and that’s where I have to call bullshit.
Why do people come around only after the unthinkable has happened? Is it because they genuinely feel bad about what has happened? Or is it because they are only interested in easing their own guilt, and know they can get away with it, because no one feels it is their place to call them out on it in the midst of all the grief? Either way, those who take such drastic measures, and take their own lives, do not realize how widely their effects on others can reach. As survivors of suicide victims, we are forced to figure out how to live with the pain of nothing but memories jarring our brains with every step we take. Everywhere we turn, we see their faces, hear their voices, and feel as if the past is just within our reach. Yet, we can't go back, and that is a concept that only strength can help us accept. People, that likely weren't even thought of in the final moments of someone's suicide, are left with gaping holes in their hearts, and are coming together in support of one another to cope with the loss of someone who simply had no idea of their worth. For those who say “it was only a matter of time,” I really hope you don’t let any more time go by before you change your tune.
These things can be prevented. Unfortunately, not all of them are, and they continue to happen at such young ages. No parent should have to bury their child, and no child should be driven to the point of no return. If someone close to you has attempted or committed suicide, it is easy to blame yourself -- to feel like you should have said something, just wish you had asked how things were going, or provided a shoulder to lean on.
Meanwhile, you don't realize how many suicides you've probably prevented by just being kind. It is crucial to yourself, and those around you, that you do not carry this guilt around with you for the remainder of your time on this Earth. Be the change you want to see in this world, even if it’s small. Message someone you haven't talked to in awhile -- just to ask how things are going. Give someone a compliment. Do a good deed. Give people a reason to smile. Do not give up on others just because you think there is no more that can be done. You simply being there for others is exactly what needs to be done. Please, spread the love so we can stop spreading flowers over early graves.
If you have contemplated, or are contemplating, suicide -- I beg of you to just reach out. Contact someone, anyone -- even me. I don’t care if you found this article on a random page, and think I’m just some stranger who wouldn’t understand. I will be there for you. To listen, to talk, or to just not say anything at all. I will be there. Just please do not let thoughts that this world is better off without you, that no one cares about you, or that this is your only option, consume you because it is not true. Lives change in a matter of seconds, for better or worse, and you have no idea how even the simplicity of your existence means the world to other people. Life is already so short -- do not deprive yourself of experiencing its ups because you feel alone in its downs.
You are not alone. You are loved. You are on the mind of the last person that is on yours. Please try to stay strong, because this is just the beginning, and I can't imagine the end without you.
In loving memory of Joshua M. Kubiak
