Part of my job as a peer counselor/ tutor is to help out in freshman math classes. The kids in these classes range from 14 to 17, and are easily excitable to say the least.
One day in early November, the kids in my third period class were learning word problems. Their teacher was happily chugging along, setting up a problem about the amount of money a florist spends producing roses verses how much they would make selling the roses. He made a comment in passing that would completely derail the rest of the period.
“Now you know that florists gouge you! Next time you buy flowers for your girlfriend or boyfriend know that you’re paying way more than it takes to produce the flowers.”
I was standing in the corner, a subtle reminder that math class is for doing math and biology homework should be done at home, when all hell broke loose.
“Girls don’t buy flowers for boys! That’s like girls asking boys out on dates, it doesn’t work like that!” yelled one girl. A bunch of the other girls agreed emphatically. The teacher and I exchanged a long-suffering look.
Somewhere in our lives, young women decide that they are not allowed to be the pursuer and instead must wait to be pursued. Society tells us that this is the way it must be, and in high school, most girls aren’t aware of the disadvantage this puts them in.
The idea of a woman who is confident in herself, and self-assured is a threat to heteronormative ideals that give men the upper hand in social and romantic situations.
When a woman has high self-esteem, it makes men feel like women do not need them to gain self worth (Go figure!). Unfortunately, feminism is something that most girls grow up hearing is bad, that being a girl isn’t something to be proud of.
“Girls absolutely can ask boys out,” the teacher corrects, “Let's ask our college student.” All 33 pairs of eyes whip around to me.
Five girls all scramble to ask me if I’ve ever asked a boy out, and if it works. The boys all look torn between wanting to listen avidly and wanting to look like they don’t care, as most 15-year-old boys do.
“Of course I’ve asked a boy out!"
They want an example.
I tell them: its as simple as asking if they want to see a movie this weekend, then making sure they have your number so you can work out a time and rides if necessary.
This is met with some trepidation.
“What if they say no?”
“Then they say no, it happens sometimes. Just because you ask, doesn’t mean they’re obligated to say yes. It’s the same when boys ask girls out. ”
This is when the teacher jumps in with a sports quote along the lines of, “You miss 100 percent of shots you don’t take." The girls are ready to stage a mutiny at this point; they spend the rest of the class period grilling me about how specifically to word their date proposals.
Confident in the lesson I passed on, I vowed to teach them all about the patriarchy next Wednesday.
