I often wonder what it is that makes people so judgmental of other's relationships. What is it that makes someone look at two people and think, "They would never work"? What do they see that we don't? Why is it that others can take one look, one small observation, and claim that they would never see you two together?
Conflicting lifestyles. No one looks at two people and claims that they could never love each other, so it could never work. We don't claim one's better taste or greater talents will doom the relationship. We look at people for they who they are and how they live. And when two people live fully opposite lives, could a relationship truly work?
Your 20's are molded by experimentation and freedom, both in life and dating. It's a time where priorities are shifting, and everyone's following the same playbook entitled, "wing it." To understand what works, we have to understand what doesn't.
Experiment
Maybe the only way to come to your own resolution about the topic is to simply try it. It's important to date around and experience different types of people that give you a new taste for life. That "type" you've always wanted to date may end up being the furthest thing from what you want to marry. The type you've never even considered may be your greatest adventure yet. You may find some success in venturing away from your lifestyle carbon copies.
Set your limits
The best part about dating is creating your own guidebook overtime and through experience, good or bad. Know how different is too different. The greatest factor in knowing what you want is knowing yourself. What do you prioritize? What aspects of your life are non-negotiable? What are your deal breakers?
Be realistic
As a hopeless romantic, I find my sole justification, in every relationship, to be "well, I love them." As I've grown older, I've come to realize that, maybe, just maybe, love actually isn't enough. There comes a point when trying to make it work is sacrificing more of your time and dreams than is healthy or fair. Whether we want to believe it or not, our lifestyle is often the whittling knife that carves out our thoughts, our priorities and, even, our dreams. Is love enough to tie the weekend drunk to the full-time go-getter? Can the Sunday brunch-er make it with Mr. sleep 'till 2? Can the city dreamers find happiness with country hunters? Is what your giving in to or giving up really okay with you? Or is the word "okay" masking what will become months or years of building resentment for a lifestyle that you didn't want?
Think about the long-term
The truth is, it's not just about the here and now. There comes a point, in every relationship, where you can't help but wonder, could this work forever? You owe yourself the honest assessment of what they want versus what you want. Will the things that you allow yourself to move past now still be as easily forgotten when deciding where to start life, buying a home or raising kids? Will these things still seem minor when planning holidays, nights out or weekends in? Are you smothering your dreams, your potential or your life to make it work from opposite ends of the spectrum?
So, can different lifestyles actually work? The only person who can truly answer that is you.
