I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. We were dating for 20 months when we both went off to a four-year university. I was heading to Notre Dame and he was going to the University of Arizona. The original plan was to break up for college and just go our own ways, but as summer went on, the thought seemed more and more painful. Not talking to him every day, telling him about my school, or saying "goodnight, I love you" seemed like the worst possible way to start off my college years. There was no problem in our relationship that caused us to break up, only distance. So we changed our plans to something more lenient, but what others might call stupid. We decided that we would have an open relationship.
My boyfriend and I were each other's first, and I knew that as soon as he got to Arizona, he would be surrounded by temptation; I mean, let's be real, the girls there are far from conservative. I knew that I, too, was going to be surrounded by new temptation. I didn't want to feel as if my boyfriend was holding me back. That could lead to resentment, or a feeling that I didn't get the full college experience because of him. So an open relationship seemed optimal.
Open relationships may be a good modification for a long distance relationship. More than a third of long distance relationships are due to college: a place filled with new people and experiences. It is the most difficult thing in the world to meet new attractive people of the opposite sex, who are nice and a little flirty, and have to somehow drop a hint about being taken. An open relationship gives you the opportunity to try things out and just have fun in college. A life with your love, a hookup, and no worrying about drunk partying. If this sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. An open relationship is not for everyone.
There are definitely limits for an open relationship in college. For instance, if you're someone that has always been jealous or has been known to stalk your better half on every social media forum, then an open relationship probably isn't the best idea for you. It may do more harm to your relationship, and personal well-being, than good.
Also, an open relationship is not necessarily meant for all four years of college. My boyfriend and I had one for the first semester, got the typical college stuff out of the way, and then had a closed relationship second semester. I think that an open relationship can only survive in college until the end of freshman year because after that you may want to become serious with a classmate. Additionally, someone who you hook up with during your open relationship may want to date you. That's when things get tough.
Thus leading to another rule of open relationships: NEVER have a consistent hookup. This will lead to developing feelings for multiple people. I'm not saying sleep around, but keep the hookups casual and sporadic for the sake of your significant other.
Relationships are difficult, and although distance may make the heart grow fonder, college can make the heart go wild. So be mature about your decision, whatever it may be, and disregard what others think. No one understood the route my boyfriend and I took, but it worked for us. We customized our own relationship to what best suited us. There is no rule book on how an open or closed relationship should work. Create your own rules, so that you and your loved one can make it work for you. It's definitely possible, trust me.
