There's no doubt about it; our society is obsessed with beauty. If you're a woman, chances are you've probably had someone-- whether it be your mother, father, aunt, grandma, neighbor, hairdresser, or a random cashier at Shop Rite-- come up to you at least once during your childhood and remark something along the lines of "you're so pretty!"
"Pretty" is a positive word and a compliment. It usually stems from a genuinely kind place, and it can make us feel quite good about ourselves, provided that it comes from an appropriate source.
Complimenting a young girl solely on her looks, however, can have unintended negative consequences for her self esteem. By constantly gushing over an elementary-aged girl for her beautiful eyes or gorgeous hair, you're forming a dangerous foundation for her self worth, essentially telling her that she's only as valuable as her looks. Even worse, for girls who do not fit our conventional standards for beauty, they are being taught that they are not worth as much as other girls who are "prettier" than they are.
It's no wonder why women grow up battling so many dark self esteem issues. They are being taught from day one that their looks are the first thing that people notice and the most important thing about them.
In a 1991 study, the American Association of University Women found that 60 percent of nine-year-old girls felt confident and "happy" the way they were. By high school however, this figure had been cut in half, dramatically plummeting to a mere 29 percent.
Men face unrealistic and crippling standards when it comes to beauty as well. The same study found that confidence in boys dropped from 67 percent at nine years old to 46 percent in high school- a lesser, but still significant margin.
The self esteem of boys, however is based more on achievements than looks. Forty two percent of boys report achievements and winning in sports as a main factor contributing to their confidence. In comparison, only 8 percent of girls considered their self esteem to be achievement-based. Girls, however, are more likely to report that body image and physical appearance make up their self esteems.
Eradicating all compliments focused on beauty might solve this problem, but that's just a bit unrealistic. I'm simply asking you to be more mindful of what message you're trying to send the next time that you innocently compliment a little girl. I promise you, there are better things to compliment a girl on than being "pretty." Why not tell her that she's smart, or strong, or kind? Why not teach that girl that being a compassionate, loving, open-minded human being is more important than being a pretty face?
At the end of the day, our society will still be obsessed with beauty. Girls will still have to face difficult beauty standards and pressures everywhere they look: from airbrushed magazines, to stick thin models and actresses, to ill-proportioned Barbie dolls. But why contribute to the problem?
Let's let girls know that they are more than a face, a size, or a number on a scale. Instead, by valuing their intelligence, strength and skills, we can empower them to accomplish their versions of success- whether that be scientist, engineer, doctor, lawyer, politician, artist, actress, model, mother, or anything else. The options for our girls are limitless, so let's not confine them to something as insignificant as being "pretty."
