What U.S. national holiday is the perfect combination of summer picnics, car stories and men's cologne? You guessed it! Father's Day!
Father's Day is approaching quickly, and it will make its appearance on Sunday, June 19. Regardless of whether we have laid out a nice cup of coffee and a Home Depot gift card on the table, put a new vehicle in the driveway or made chore certificates, we have a responsibility to honor the dad who raised us, or has at least given us life.
All of this Father's Day talk has really put my mind to work lately, though. What does it mean to be a good father? More specifically, what does it take to become a man of God? And how are men in our culture today falling away from the responsibility of being a good leader?
Before I start critiquing a man's disposition to assume a role as a "man of God," I would like to make it very clear that none of the following ideas are 100 percent completely attainable. No human being, male or female, can perfectly fill the gaps of all imperfections. As much as we cover and conceal all of our deep tears and breaks, we cannot completely patch them. It is impossible. But while perfections are strictly unattainable, there is no characteristic that cannot be polished. It is important to realize women naturally follow men to lead them. From fathers to significant others, we are looking for a man to guide us and support us because it is written into our human nature as women. In fact, the curse of sin has allowed us to have a special ache in our hearts for a complete relationship with our counterpart. In Genesis 3:16, God warns Eve that her "desire will be for her husband even though he rules over her." We long for a guy to somehow bring out the best of our aesthetic, created individualism.
It's no surprise that young women pick men that resemble their fathers. A recent CNN article describes young women falling for men like their fathers because they believe that they are either comfortable with that form of leadership or are trying to make amends from a less than perfect childhood. Psychologically, women appear to search for spouses similar to their fathers because their father's leadership correlates with their current lifestyle. If they are led astray in childhood or feel emotionally bankrupt, there is a possibility they will search for unhealthy fathering characteristics. A hungry grocery store shopper tends to return to home with much more than they have bargained for, and women are desperate to receive even the weakest form of love in order to fill the void of their starvation.
Furthermore, I truly believe that today's feminism is a response brought about by the men in our country that are falling further and farther away from courageous chivalry. Have men lost their vision of what it means to be a loving husband, faithful friend and a compassionate father? Are women losing hope in man's once gentle guidance?
Without a doubt, Nicholas Sparks' romance novels line bookstores. The marriage age is up now than it has ever been before. ABC's "The Bachelorette" seems to spark interest as it appears to the public as one of the most popular television shows of the summer.
Could it be that women's actions and interests are mirroring a lack of leadership from the male party in society?
What, then, are women looking for when it comes to finding a husband that will one day make a great companion and father? The following characteristics describe godly guys that are willing and able to fine tune themselves to make a great father/spouse one day. Want to be a great father/husband? Train to these five truths and you can't go wrong:
1. Communicatest your bestest.
Men and women really struggle with communication in all relationships. It's no wonder that the number one reason for divorce is miscommunication. A general rule of thumb for communication is trying to balance listening with speaking and vice versa. If you tend to be more extroverted, try to lend an ear to others. If you are more introverted, don't get drowned out by others that impose ideas on you! Communicating with balance is key and is essential to becoming a stronger leader as a future father and spouse.
True communication is also hard to come by in our day and age. It can be so easy to send a text, but the man that picks up the phone and calls or pursues conversation face to face is a rarity. It takes courage to become a good communicator, but it is worthwhile to practice. Communication makes life easier down the road, not only for relationships but for careers and other future endeavors. Though communication through words is valuable, communicating through actions speak much louder.
2. Be a Hamburger Helper with a side of no actual hamburger.
When a guy is able to build community with those around him either by actions or unspoken encouragement, he is on the right track to becoming a great husband/father figure someday. It is important for guys to become a gentleman that helps the community and invites them in for fellowship. An example of this? Let's say Joe Shmoe is getting ready to play football with a few of his buddies in his front yard and he notices a woman walking by on the street struggling with three children and bags of groceries. Two of the children are 8-10 year old boys, and one is in a stroller. It would be easy for Joe Shmoe to ignore the women and children, and it might even be easy for him to lightly assist her with her groceries until she is able to handle things. But, the Joe Shmoe that wants to practice above and beyond of what is required of his politeness will help the woman with the groceries and ask her two boys if they would like to participate in their football game. This shows that he is ready to apply hospitality and helpfulness down the road as a potential husband and father. Do you want to become a lady-pleaser? Let your actions and need for community influence the way you live your life as a man of God. However, don't allow those helping hands to turn into jazz hands.
3. Don't live for the applause, applause, applause.
It seems as if a lot of men in society today are being glorified for being hot, athletic, and intelligent. Don't get me wrong. It isn't bad to be any of those things, but when people are stripped down to their very essence, what are we but flesh and sinew? We have no right to brag about our physique or athleticism or intelligence. The man that realizes his simplicity and finds honor in humility is on the fast track to becoming an admirable father figure and compassionate spouse. We need less gym selfies. We need less hair product. Less pictures of doing missions work. We need raw humility. Pure grit. Natural integrity when no one is watching. Needtobreathe paints this elusive definition of humility in their song "Difference Maker" as they sing,
"A helpless conversation with a man who says he cares a lot
It's a passive confrontation about who might throw a punch or not
We are all transgressors, we're all sinners, we're all astronauts
So if you're beating death then raise your hand but shut up if you're not"
No matter how talented or untalented we are, we are all the same in the sense that we are mere sinners that try our best to make ourselves look presentable. We can help others in need and paint a pretty picture for the people around us, but when we live for others approval, our actions will never recompense for the imperfections we try to hide. Being silently proactive in an attempt to help others is a sure way to glorify God in light of humility.
4. Be your best bread winner.
You wanna know one of the top things that bothers women about men? Laziness and strict complacency. Nothing frustrates any woman more than hearing a man simply "doesn't care" about something. When men show that they don't care about things in life, it is a major turn off. This shows that they are disinterested in working hard for things they really want. Be the guy that actively pursues an interest or talent. Reject passivity. Embrace spontaneity. Go out there and do something. Guys that are determined, focused, and driven will experience so many blessings throughout life. Don't be the guy that misses out on those blessings. Don't be that guy.
5. Hunt for him.
The last and most important way a guy can become the best father figure and spouse he can be is to earnestly seek the Lord. There is nothing more attractive than a man who falls to his knees in prayer and lifts his hands in surrender to the Maker of creation. Usually, the best male leaders are the ones who are passionate about pursuing a relationship with their heavenly father before everything else. They make their relationship with Jesus a priority so they can commit to becoming transformed on a day-to-day basis. They realize that transformation doesn't just happen overnight. It is a process. But they are more than willing to surrender to the work of Christ. Constantly pursue God, and hunt for his treasures. You will not only become desirable to women but will also become more confident in who you are as a guy. The confidence and courage it takes to lead women and children into the arms of a sustainable life can be found at the cross where His arms were stretched wide to show you an abundance of your capabilities that can be found only in Him.
To reiterate, it is important that guys realize the impact they are imprinting upon us ladies. We need your strong leadership ability and willingness to support us in relationships and future endeavors. Be the difference maker. The guy that takes a stand to be the one who can communicate when confusion is prevalent. Be the one who lends a helping hand when no one is watching. Don't be afraid to show the world your courageous effort of what it takes to become a great father and husband. Fine tune, and feminism will soon die down. Fine tune, and women may wonder what they saw in corny romance novels. Fine tune, and bring back chivalry. Fine tune, and prove her wrong.
