October 29th, 201
I never thought I'd find myself writing things that I really wanted to write. I never thought I'd find myself saying what I really wanted to or thinking what I really did. For the first time in forever I have actually started speaking my own mind, and to be honest, it is liberating. It is invigorating and intoxicating.
I only wish I had the freedom to do this before I graduated high school. I wish I had learned that it was alright to speak my mind over what others were saying. I wish I had learned to follow what I wanted to do, instead of what others wanted me to do. It was crazy, the fear I had. It drove me to no end to find comfort away from the unforgiving world, the uncommon, and the mundane. I wanted to escape from it all.
This fear is what drove me to not be myself when I had the best opportunity ever to be who I truly wanted to be. This fear is what made me act differently than how I truly wanted to act. It made me so afraid to step out of my comfort zone that if I did, I feared I did something wrong when the blame was never, ever mine to take. I wish I would have known this years ago. I wish I wouldn't have been so afraid to conquer the world. I wish I would have been able to find out what I really wanted to do before I had wasted two years of my life traveling after a future that I never wanted. Perhaps I should have fought back more. Perhaps I should have viciously fought back when I was too tired from playing everyone's future instead of mine. I'm beginning to see clearly now. I'm beginning to see where I am going and what I am doing, and for that I am extremely happy! I know I'll follow the future I want, whether it's what my parents want for me or not, I could care less. I will do what I want to do, and this is what makes a change in this world.
We are so afraid of others that we cannot see past our own selfish nature, and I have a vision for that; a way to change our future so that the people who make us so afraid to tackle that future actually can't help but make it better. I am no longer afraid, and I will never be afraid, because I learned what I wanted to learn, and I'm doing what I want to, even if I am scared beyond reason, I know that I'll make the right choice! I have faith in the universe!
Now it's your turn! Be who you want to be! Quit being afraid to fail, quit being afraid to mess up or to disappoint other people because when it comes down to it, they don't control your life. They are not you. They are not the one who will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. This is a calling, to start acting like ourselves, to start being who we want to be, even if we are afraid, because I know in time, we will get better! Trust me, I know.
