As I sit in the library this evening at 11:55 and type and retype sentences to try and get my point across in a way that others will understand, I'm still not sure that I am going to be able to clearly state my opinion, but I'm going to try. I spend basically ten of my twenty-four-hour days with my best friend. In my opinion, she is the perfect blend of sweet and sassy. She's not afraid to be real with people, but is also considerate of feelings. She is what I always wanted to be, I think that's why I gravitated towards her in the first place, but tonight she said something that caught me off guard.
We sat discussing the possibility of going to the beach with a few friends when she said, "I'm just not feeling too confident right now." She is actually adorable. I'm not saying that in a biased way at all. She is so cute: short, thin, and blond with eyes that squint when she smiles. I have always envied her for her physical appearance and to hear her say she wasn't feeling confident shook me up.
I look at myself and think, my thighs are too big, my stomach isn't flat, and I'm constantly worrying about how big my arms look when my sleeves don't cover them. I have all of these things to worry about, but she doesn't. What is she so worried about?
It's finally started to click that I'm not alone in my insecurities. I have always felt like I was fighting a battle against myself that would never end. After reaching out for help in the midst of an eating disorder, I felt more alone then I ever had. Sure, there were people who told me they struggled with their weight too, but no one seemed to understand the hatred I felt and still sometimes feel for my own body.
Tonight I've realized just how not alone I am. This girl, who I have always thought of as perfect and absolutely beautiful in every way, has her own insecurities. We see ourselves in the mirror and are attracted to the flaws in ourselves, but don't see our beauty. Sometimes I look at myself and think I did a really good job covering up my stomach with this shirt and these wedges make my legs look thinner, but I have never in my life thought everything looked perfect. However, I see others and think about their figure and how easy it must be to get ready already being skinny.
So I've decided that while I can't wake up tomorrow and immediately love myself and my body, I can realize that I am not alone. I don't know that I'll ever get to the point where I completely love myself, I haven't since fourth grade, but nine years later, I have found out that everyone has insecurities. While I may not see my own beauty, I see others. While they may not see their own beauty, they could see mine. I don't know why being skinny is the most wonderful compliment I think I could receive, but I wish we would stop. Being skinny doesn't make you perfect. No one is perfect, but we all have beauty. Stop picking out body parts to compliment and start recognizing the beauty in everyone. You may see no flaw in them, but we all have insecurities and we all deserve encouragement.
