Everyone has one — the friend who saps you of any and all of your emotional resources, the boyfriend who consistently mistreats you and makes you feel bad about yourself, or the budding relationship that is too complicated and painful to ever truly get off the ground — but you can’t bring yourself to cut the relationship off because you care about them too much.

These toxic people can and will come in many different shapes and sizes. Maybe you’ve experienced one or two of the ones I will mention. (I have been through all six.) But do not be fooled — there are infinite ways a relationship to be toxic to you. These are just a few to look out for.

1. The Competitive Tennis Match.

Because a yo-yo is a far too simple analogy for the directions in which this relationship travels. This person is likely your intellectual and emotional twin. You think and feel similarly on most everything. You understand them more completely than sometimes you’d even like, and they are the same way with you. This is a blessing and a curse, most certainly, because when it is good, it is glorious, and when you fight, it is about as productive as looking in a mirror and yelling at your reflection. When you hurt each other, you hurt in the same ways, and it leads to a furious back and forth, up and down, and sometimes out of bounds volley that neither of you are willing to quit. Neither of you will quit, despite the fact that your emotional health is dwindling down to love. (Nothing. In tennis, zero is love. See what I mean?)

2. The Pied Piper

You are not a follower. You are independent, decisive and resolute, right? Right. You probably are, just not when it comes to this person. In the midst of attempting to figure out who you are, what is important to you, and why you believe the things you do, you have deemed this person to have a large amount of a quality you desire to have in yourself. Attractiveness, confidence, strength, intelligence. Regardless of what it is, it has value to you, and by seeing it in them, you have to wonder what they have done to become this way. Their decisions seem like better and better ideas, and going along with them seems to be a direct path to that quality you so wish you had more of. But that isn’t you. The things that they do are not things you would ever choose to do on your own and slowly you find yourself wondering if you are becoming who you want to become, or if you are becoming a copy of the person you are suddenly following behind. Forging your own path is hard, as is saying goodbye to someone who you once looked up to, but being the person to be looked up to in your own right is infinitely more satisfying.

3. The Bubblegum

The one you seem to be stuck with. Stuck to the bottom of your shoe like a sticky reminder that you are horrible at saying goodbye. This person was so important to you at one time, but circumstances have changed, you have changed, and he or she is unwilling or unable to adapt to the person you are becoming. And they try to stop you, guilt you for this person you’re starting to be proud of. They will make you feel like you are letting them down--but here’s the secret, you’re not. Do not be afraid to take your old credit card and scrape that sucker off. You can’t strut your stuff if you’re glued to one spot by someone who doesn’t want you to change. Metamorphosis, baby.

4. Washington Jefferson Lincoln

This person is historical to you. They’re probably an old friend, someone you’ve known for years upon years of your life. Your ties to this person go way back, and as such, you feel an obligation to continue the relationship. After all, they have known you since your mother was still picking out your clothing. However, what people won’t tell you, what people won’t want you to consider, is that perhaps, the way you and this person have grown is too drastically different to maintain the same type of relationship that you have always had. Perhaps it is a difference in views or values, perhaps it is a difference in interests or activities, or maybe you two just don’t have the time to force a friendship you are growing out of. Whatever the reasoning may be, you are never duty-bound to someone who is not fueling your fire and helping you to become the blossoming adult you are destined to be.

5. The Neglected Toddler

*Push* “Do you still love me?” *Smack* “Do you still love me?” *I hate you!* “Do you still love me?” A little kid whose parents don’t show them adequate attention or adequate care and affection might act like what I just described. They’ll lash out, and through their actions ask you to roll with their punches, physical or otherwise, constantly looking for the reassurance that no matter what they may do, they are still important and loved. This person in your life is just like this. They will turn your relationship into a one-sided monster that consists of you doing favor after favor for them, forgiving them each time they hurt you, and continuing to be there despite it all, when in reality, they truly are not capable of doing the same for you. And when you reach your breaking point, when the time has finally come that you simply cannot do any more for this person than you already have, it turns on you. “I knew it. You never really loved me all along.” Do not let them fool you. You have loved them your hardest, been the most supportive you could, and the fact that you are a human being and are unable to be unbreakable does not mean that you were a bad friend. You were the best you could be, but sometimes you have to be the best to yourself first.

6. Peter Pan

This person teaches you things you did not know you could learn from another human. They show you inordinate amounts of love, give you courage and confidence, and become a place you can go when you need peace. Whether this person is your best friend or your first love, they take you to a place in your own mind that looks a lot like Never Never Land. Life is good in a way that it never has been before, and in the middle of the mess that college can be, you are free of the harsh realities that you struggled with before you met this person. But you can’t live there with them. Perhaps you needed them to get through a certain time in your life, perhaps they saved you from yourself for a while, and perhaps leaving them in Neverland will break your heart. But until they are ready, until they are willing to leave Tiger Lily and the Lost Boys and come with you to where you need to go, that is where they must stay: in the past, perhaps in the future, but always in your heart.