Cabos San Lucas, better known as Cabo by those who knew her best, was born before you were relevant and died a tragic death at the hands of Hurricane Odile, earlier this month. 

Cabo was the kind of person that no one actually wanted to be, but everyone wanted to spend a week with, much like that slut you went to high school with. Despite her downfalls, like the risk of Montezuma’s Revenge, murder at the hands of a drug lord or a month-long hangover, Cabo will always have an important place in the heart of upper middle class white kids everywhere.

It’s hard to pinpoint specific moments of Cabo's life, because no one really remembers much time they spent with her. But that doesn’t mean we don’t recall the blissful joy she gave us. Certain parts of Cabo, like her Mango Deck or Squid Roe, or even her Pink Kitty, were some of her best traits. She touched the lives of so many students here at CU Boulder, so much so that they decided to name their own homes after her. That’s influence.              

Cabo may have destroyed countless romantic relationships, particularly between the deadly hours of 3 and 5 a.m. at El Squid Roe, but with every hysterical ending she facilitated a blossoming new beginning for the sorostitute and the d-bag alike, which gave her a neutral karma score. Cabo had a knack for bringing people together, whether it was old bootycalls from the dorms, rival fraternity brethren, or just mouths to shot glasses, there was never a stronger sentiment of artificial closeness than when you were with Cabo. God knows, she’s in Heaven.      

Cabo leaves behind the legacy of Sergio from Sharky’s (#neverforget), that one bartender at the Rose who always poured us doubles even though he knew we weren’t staying there, (#respect), and every other rival resort town in her wake. The death of Cabo brings the challenging opportunity for basics to come up with new ideas of where to spring break. Will Cancun relive his glory days of 2004 MTV Spring Break? Or will PV finally not be seen as the type of place where you contract a rare form of hepatitis? Perhaps new countries will even be considered, like the often overlooked Bahamas, or even the good old red, white and blue. 

Wherever you find yourself tonight, remember to pour a little tequila out for Cabos San Lucas, and may her legacy and honor travel with us wherever Boulder decides to spring break next. R.I.P., you dirty little nugget. We will always love you, and when you resurrect, (the Mexican tourist embassy predicts it will take a year), we won’t be back because we, like, have the real world to attend to, but I’m sure my great-grand little will make the Mexican border patrol wish they never took us back.