Goodbye is a word that we say all the time. Goodbye: two different words with two different meanings. Good—something that is relatively, well, “good.” It’s a positive word, but what about when it is used with the word "bye"? Bye—something that shows completion or an end. Something that is normally seen as being “bad."
Goodbye. When put together, you would think that it was a positive ending, due to the combination of their individual meanings. That is not always the case. Goodbye can usually translate to simply “see you later,” but what about when it really means what it sounds like—something just ending, but for good? So instead of "goodbye," it is "bye for good."
We have all experienced the “bye for good” form of goodbye, whether it was the ending of a relationship, someone moving, or someone simply exiting your life. Typically it is in those moments that you will remember your last goodbye with that person. But what about all the goodbyes that were said without knowing that they were going to be your last?
Take a minute and think. Think about all the people that are no longer in your life. Think about the last goodbyes with your friends from home before you moved or left for school. Think about all of your goodbyes with someone after a breakup. Think about all the goodbyes you had to say to a loved one who was dying. Now take a minute and think about the people that do not have a specific memory of a goodbye. Why do you not remember it? Was it an unexpected loss? Was it the lack of communication due to growing older? Or is it simply just not there?
The reason for the loss of the memory is because you did not think it was your “bye for good” goodbye. There are many times that I have asked myself for a do-over to remember those goodbyes. The goodbyes that I did not see as an end, but as a "see you later." A later that never came.
The goodbye that I try the hardest to remember is the one with my idol, my rock, and the man that meant the most to me. My Pap. I said goodbye to my Pap a thousand times throughout my time with him, but the one I want to remember the most, and the one with the most meaning to it, is the one that I do not remember. Our “bye for good” goodbye.
My Pap fought long and hard against cancer, and sooner than I thought, it won. Cancer did not only take my best friend, but it took our “bye for good” goodbye. Cancer took something from me that I will never get back. However, even though I do not have the memory and it crushes me every day, there is one thing that gets me through these restless hours. Maybe, just maybe, I do not have this memory because we are going to meet again. Maybe I do not have our “bye for good” in my head because it still has not happened.
Now go back and think of all the “bye for good” goodbyes that you do not remember. Is there something you can do to change this? Can you pick up the phone and have a conversation? Can you go on a trip and visit for a few days? If so, do it. This opens you up to a choice: you can end it with your “bye for good” goodbye, or you can leave it with a "see you later" in hopes that you will see them again. The choice is entirely yours.
Now think about all the “bye for good” goodbyes that you cannot change. The ones that are similar to mine with my Pap; let them go. Do not let it eat you alive anymore. In the end, it is a blessing to not remember because it shows that it is not the final goodbye and you will see them again. You may not see them during your final memories made on Earth, but you will see them again.
Now all I have to say is goodbye.
The goodbye that you choose to say back is up to you.
