I am for all intents and purposes, a "nice guy." I hold doors for people, I try to be honest as much as possible. I believe that affirmation is important in everything that we do, which is why whenever a person does something for me, I try to make it a point to say something like "I appreciate you." It's my aesthetic, one of my endearing qualities; it's made me accessible and generally viewed by my peers as a cool, chill person. I'm not perfect, I definitely can be a jerk, short-sighted, lazy, selfish, and whatever other adjective you want to tack on. But more often than not, especially when it comes to women, my sweetness shines through.

That said, being a nice guy can have disadvantages especially if you feel like being nice equates to getting everything you want in life. Prime example, look what time of year it is. That's right. I know it's circled on your calendar. It's definitely been staring me down for a while. Any guesses?

Well, for those who aren't quite as well versed in how the teen to young adult world works it's a glorious time known as "cuffing season." Summer's officially over, the days are getting shorter, and Netflix queues are filled with binge-worthy entries. As this cold spell descends upon us, many folks, nice guy or otherwise, are being drawn in by the warm ideal of having someone to cuddle up with during the forthcoming and naturally brutal winter months. Understandably, it's an appealing idea to most people, especially perennial loners such as myself (insert world's tiniest violin), however, in my experience it's never been the easiest thing to attain.

I, for one, believe that I would make an amazing cuffing partner. I am pretty open to listening, I think I'm pretty funny, and I really like making the people I care about happy and comfortable. Once again, very nice, and yet history hasn't been super kind to me in terms of long (or short) term relationships. But as many female friends and past romantic interests have informed me I'm "so nice." That's where danger sets in. Because I know that I care, and because in my mind I'd be an amazing boyfriend (emphasis on the amazing), and because I'm so nice, shouldn't the that entitle me to the attentions of whatever woman catches my eye? Why would any "sensible" woman pass me, the sweet, awkwardly charming, funny guy who gives great hugs, up for the guy who's has no emotional awareness and is truly interested in just sex? It's the same reason that I hate the taste of peas and that my favorite basketball team is the Milwaukee Bucks, we all have preferences.

For years I sat around wondering why I was passed over and why trying to nice my way into relationships didn't work. Until one day I realized that people are going to either like you or not. Some women see being nice as too dependable (which translates to boring), some women just aren't attracted to you no matter how awesome of a personality you have, and some just enjoy toying with people. It's the same with men, we all have motives, intentions, thoughts, and desires. And because of that, it means not everyone is going to like you the way you want them to. Believing that people owe you anything because you choose to act a certain way isn't just shortsighted, it also basically invalidates your claims of being a nice guy.

Genuine niceness is natural, and while it isn't completely free of motives or intentions it generally just happens. I like being nice because I enjoy being liked and thought highly of. It's a cool feeling. While I would like to think my niceness would translate over better to my romantic encounters, that doesn't stop me from doing what comes naturally. Additionally, niceness alone is never enough. Just like all things that are worth having, being assertive and putting forth effort are important aspects of relationship building. Along with that, self awareness along with situational awareness all play into the success of any romantic pursuits. Offering to buy her Starbucks and picking up her friend from the airport aren't going to be the reasons why she falls in love with you. Its got to be more, no matter what there always has to be more.

I'm still going to be that nice, sweet, funny, awkwardly charming guy. Independent of whether or not it makes a woman want me or not. I'm going to stumble and fumble my way through trying to make relationships real, but I'm not going to worry about how my niceness is getting me with any girls. When it works it does, and it's great. When it doesn't, you've got to keep moving forward. And that's my motto for most things whether it's work, school, or even cuffing season. So to all my nice guys out there, keep being nice, but do it because you actually enjoy being nice instead of what (or who) it could possibly get you.