“I’m a strong independent woman who is doing this for research” I said to myself as I downloaded the dating app, Bumble.

For those who don’t know, Bumble is championed as “the feminist response to Tinder” as it requires women to initiate the conversation with a man within 24 hours of connecting. It’s an interesting concept that I was curious to try.

Note that I had never tried another dating app and I am not looking for a relationship. I was simply curious and figured “why not?”.

Here’s what happened:

You know the saying curiosity killed the cat? Well, curiosity killed my faith in humanity.

Long story short, I ended up deleting the thing within four hours.

The biggest reason was because I felt gross and terribly judgemental. I probably spent a fraction of a second looking at the guys before swiping one way or the other. If I couldn’t decide if they were attractive, then it was maybe ten seconds on a profile and that’s a generous estimate.

As I went through the app, I can only describe a feeling that was purely disgusting. I am completely embarrassed that I was even on an app like Bumble, for one reason:

I reduced these men down to simply how they look and worse off, let them know it by swiping right. I wasn’t planning on meeting any of these guys, but I hated thinking that their first impression of me was “she thinks I’m hot”. How shallow does that make me seem? Further, it gives them a pass to do the same thing to me.

Call me crazy, but I’m more complex than that. Sure, I’m a good looking girl, but I’m also a funny, well-spoken, kind and charismatic girl. Those are all things I’d rather any potential suitor notice about me first. I tend to think the guys on the other side of the phone are more complex too. They could be hysterical, volunteer at a shelter, and own a first edition "To Kill A Mockingbird," but I don’t know any of that because I saw a picture and I decided their worth on that. What an awful way to start a potential relationship.

Before anyone says “She probably deleted the app because nobody messaged her!”, the truth is I didn’t wait around to see if I even matched with anyone. I was so mortified by how I presented myself that I deleted my account before I’d have to face any of the men I had swiped on.

Don’t get me wrong, physical attraction is important, but you can’t base a relationship off purely physical attraction. I was talking to a Chabad Rabbi (another long story) and he explained that in the Chabad tradition, both men and women dress modestly because the person you are on the inside matters far more than what you look like. It’s an adage as old as time, but one that is easy to lose sight of, especially on Tinder or Bumble or any of those apps.

I want to be clear that I don’t think people who use apps like this are bad people. Everyone finds meaningful relationships in their own way. It’s just not how I will choose to date in the future.

For now being single is perfect for me and when the funny, philanthropic, first-edition owning guy (or whoever he may be) comes along, he’ll be perfect for me.