Broken Hearts, Watery Eyes, and Open Wounds.
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Broken Hearts, Watery Eyes, and Open Wounds.

This is to all the ones whose pain has gone unnoticed in the chaos of addiction.

481
Broken Hearts, Watery Eyes, and Open Wounds.
Self

An open letter to all the innocent eyes out there who have seen addiction up close and in detail. First off, if any of you are reading this and have seen addiction possess someone you hold close to your heart, I want to say I am so sorry. Though the phrase "I'm sorry" will never be enough to describe how truly broken I am knowing you had to witness this, its the only thing I know how to say. So, again, I am truly sorry.

There are so many articles and TV specials about addiction that usually star the addict, but no one ever wants to talk about the impact that one addict has on the people and world around them. So, this article is dedicated to those who have gone unnoticed in their own personal struggle with loving an addict. I see you, and although you may think no one in this world understands your pain or what you have gone through and continue to go through, I promise you, I do.

Addiction is such a mess; that's the best way I can describe it. A breakup is easy, its easy to know who to be mad at, it's easy to know why your heart is broken and, compared to everything else in this world, it's easy to overcome. But addiction is a whole other beast which it seems no one can defeat, and loving an addict is loving a beast that you know cannot be overcome. When you love an addict who shares your DNA, you begin to question everything.

When I was in 8th grade I used to be so mad at the world. I asked the question "Why me?" so many times. I was angry with God before even having a relationship with Him. I was so distraught in knowing God let this happen to someone so dear to me, so close to my heart. I grew up loving an addict, and if any of you have ever experienced this, you know that love can also mean hate at the same time. Loving an addict has such an impact on your heart, it's exhausting to love someone so much but to absolutely hate the decisions they make.

So you go through life with this idea that maybe love isn't enough. Maybe you are like me and think that if you can't save someone then that must be because you and the way you love just aren't enough. Maybe you stay up at night tormenting yourself with the idea that somehow YOU have to do better for this person to get better. So you spend the majority of your time thinking and worrying about someone who most likely has no thoughts or worries about you.

That realization tore me apart for years, knowing that the person who has caused me so much pain and heartache couldn't care less about what's in my heart. That's where the hatred comes crashing in with so much force it almost takes you over. You lose yourself in the fuel of hatred, you lose yourself to addiction without even picking up a needle, or drinking a bottle. Addiction is not just for an addict; no, addiction is a grenade. It's a grenade that scatters shrapnel around anything or anyone in a 15-meter radius.

It's a grenade with the power to kill anyone within 15 meters of its explosion. That's what addiction is. It's not someone who just can't stop drinking or shooting up heroin, it's a mix of broken hearts, watery eyes, and open wounds. For anyone who has been through this, you know that addiction can destroy families, it can take lives and it can take an eternity and some more to recover from the damage it left behind.

Unfortunately, some of us don't have a happy ending either. Well, not in the traditional sense, that is. Though rehab and recovery are amazing and definitely something to be celebrated, there are some of us who are still in the muddy waters of loving an addict whose addiction may never go away. And in my opinion, that's the hardest part that no one tells you about. They don't tell you what to do when recovery is not an option, so you're left to figure it out. There is hope.

I am 21 years old, I've been loving multiple addicts all my life, and sometimes I thought I'd never see the light. That as long as their addiction held onto them, it will forever be holding onto me, too. But I found a way out, and it's not easy, but it's worth it. The only thing that will set you free from the shackles of loving an addict is to love yourself. You have to be able to love yourself enough to remove yourself from damaging situations. Sometimes that means you just have to stop trying.

One important thing to remember is when you stop trying it does not mean you stop loving. I struggled with that idea for awhile. I thought if I give up, then I just can't love them anymore. But you will realize soon enough the bittersweet news that love cannot just be shut off (even when we wish it could). Love is there and it always will be, that's why when I see the addicts in my life in the midst of their addiction, it is like the very first time.

My eyes regain their innocence until I open them to see that the addiction is still there, but that's okay. I will continue to shut and open my eyes, I will continue to love with this broken heart because it's all I know how to do. It's what I was put on this earth to do: to love over and over again despite my pain, despite my thoughts. Because in a world where so many people grow disconnected with what it means to truly love, I want to be a light for them to come to.

I want my heart to stay soft for those whose hearts have turned to stone. So, for those innocent-eyed kids, teens, adults, let's be light. Addiction is the very thing that makes this world dark, so let us not give into the darkness but be the very light that fights it.

Also, I want to end with this because I wish someone told me this.

If any of you are reading this and it resonates with you, (I don't care what part, the addiction part, the loving an addict part or any part) message me, I don't care if we've never met, I want to know you, I want to know what's in your heart and I want to work together to overcome darkness!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Dear College Students, Are You Undecided?
https://pixabay.com/photos/college-students-diploma-graduate-3990783/

Up until last week, I always had a major. I was an international business major, finance major, psych major on the pre-medicine track… and now (finally) I am exactly where I should have been when I started college: undecided. I think there is too much pressure as a high school student to have a designated path about what you want to study, be when you 'grow up' and essentially spend the rest of your life doing. As an 18-year-old, I really feel like I tried to pin myself down to a major so that I had a set path to follow and something to look towards. This is probably very conventional and I know tons of people at school who have their minds made up about what they want to study.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Life Is Messy

Finding who you are in your 20s

787
Life Is Messy
https://www.pexels.com/photo/shallow-focus-photography-of-yellow-sunflower-field-under-sunny-sky-1169084/

I am 25 years old and just now learning who I am. When I separated from my husband I was terrified of what would follow. I did not know who I was outside of a relationship, nor did I know how to be on my own. It was scary, and I was so lost. I spent months discovering who I was, and what I wanted to be. I am still searching as I believe we never truly know who we are even when we "grow up". I came to the realization that I had been hiding a part of myself for my entire life. Coming out was not easy, growing up in the church made it scary, and hard. I was told growing up that being anything but straight was such a sin, and that i would spent my life in hell because of it. I came out to my parents when I was 25 years old. I picked up the phone and called my mom, and uttered the words "I'm queer" through tears. I knew my parents would be supportive, but that didn't make it any easier for me to vulnerable and raw. Since then, I have slowly started being more authentic in who I am, and not hide parts of me just because of people's shitty opinions.

Keep Reading... Show less
Adulting

Ask Your BFF These 20 Questions To See If They Know You As Well As You THINK That They Do

Ask your best friend these basic questions to see just how well they know you.

39593
Ask Your BFF These 20 Questions To See If They Know You As Well As You THINK That They Do

My best friend has been in my life since we were 3 years old, now that we are adults now, I'd like to ask her these questions to see how well she knows me.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Alone At The Met

I survive a day alone in NYC.

9957
Wikimedia Commons

It was six in the evening. I was sitting in the courtyard of a Renaissance-era Italian villa, glancing around at the statues, most notably one of a boy removing a thorn from his foot. Despite the supposedly relaxing setting, I was incredibly anxious. My phone was at less than 5 percent battery, and once it died I would be completely disconnected from my family and peers, alone in one of the largest art museums in the country.

Keep Reading... Show less
Student Life

College 101: How To Ease The Back To School Blues

Getting back into the school groove when you just can't seem to let go of summer.

11179
Beyond The States

With fall classes just beginning, many of us find ourselves struck with summer withdrawals. Especially for those who refrained from taking courses over the summer, it can be quite difficult to get back in the swing of things. Fortunately, there are various ways to help make the transition back to college as smooth as possible.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments