You've been there. That feeling that tears you apart because you feel one thing but think another. In our society, especially as women, we are conditioned to be very careful about hurting people's feelings, no matter what the cost is to ourselves. We are conditioned to be polite, courteous, and generous. Interrupting someone, even when you're mind is telling you not to listen, is considered rude. Refusing assistance from someone who you don't trust is disrespectful. Everyday, we are faced with situations that are internally conflicting. Some conflicts may seem minor and insignificant — others could be more extreme. When faced with these situations, do you trust your gut feeling, or push it aside to abide by society's views on the matter?
The cold hard truth is: your first instinct is always right. You were bred from a long line of hunters and survivalists that prioritized animistic urges above all else. When a sound or a smell or a sight didn't seem right, your ancestors ran, fought, and did whatever else they had to do to thrive. Through focusing more on how we will be perceived by others, we have allowed that bright flame of internal reaction to dwindle to a dull ember. Your mind interprets a situation for a reason — do not choose to ignore it. To choose the bliss of ignorance is a form of denial, and could be the most dangerous choice to make. Refusing to follow your intuition could lead to a much worse situation than hurting a stranger’s feelings, a stranger who you will probably never see again. When you feel that surge of fight or flight, you need to listen to your body and do whatever you need to do to feel safe.
The reason why you should listen to your internal guardian is outlined in Gavin de Becker’s book, “The Gift of Fear and Other Survival Signals that Protect us from Violence.” (Click the link for a free version of the first chapter.) This is a book that my mother has been telling me to read for years, and I never did until now. To be honest, I wish I had listened to her before. Before I chose to tell myself to “shut up.” Before I willed myself to be polite and prioritize the feelings of others above my safety and well-being. Before I muted my internal guardian and fell into the trap of being a victim. You have the power to protect yourself, you just have to give yourself the credit.
If you have ever started a sentence with, “Now that I think about it…” then you have already experienced this sensation of ignoring your internal guardian. The human mind is constantly scanning your environment and making connections. When you are not tuned in with these connections, you could miss warning signals that are being sent your way. You may notice something as simple as a peculiar tattoo or a backhanded compliment, or maybe you pick up on a key clue that tells you to run and never look back. No matter what it is, notice what you notice, and don’t write it off as nothing. This does not just apply to fight or flight situations, it can also be applied to something as simple as trusting yourself to reply to a text without consulting your friends. You know what you need, and you know what you want to say. All you have to do is trust yourself.
I know that giving yourself credit is way easier said than done. Believing that your first instinct is right can be scary and almost counter-intuitive, but it is crucial. It is time to stop worrying about what other people will think of you and start listening to your brilliant internal guardian.
