Something I've dreamed about for most of my life is my wedding day. I've made books and had PowerPoints with all my plans since I was like eight. I don't know if I thought I'd be married by now, or anytime soon. But I definitely don't think I had any idea how hard finding a husband would be.
Truthfully, I'm not even close. People I know are married already, or they at least feel like they could be with who they're currently with.
And whether I feel like I'm ready for that part of my life or not, it's not time. I just have to trust the process. I'm not in a place mentally or physically to have a guy at my side. I've got a few more trips around the sun I need to make on my own.
But that doesn't mean I'm unhappy with that, because I'm checking boxes off my age-old wedding checklist as I go along. I might have to save the husband best for last. The bride will still be moving forward until the day comes. With her perfect potential bridesmaids in tow.
The friends I have now made my wait that much sweeter. They've shown me what love is like, and through them, I've learned how to love people like family. They've shown me that I can be loved by people who don't have to love me and that that's something I deserve. Even on my roughest days.
My friends have seen every side of me. The goofy side, the side of me running low on patience AND caffeine, and the side that can talk for hours about things no one would ever care about. There have been long nights and early mornings. Stupid fights where I was probably in the wrong. Times I couldn't stop laughing and times where I've ugly-cried for hours. There's been distance and probably too much time being too close to one another.
Through it all, they've still chosen to stick around, proving that people do.
They are why, when the time comes, I'll do a great job at holding someone's heart. And why I'll be extra selective when picking the person who I want holding mine. They were the people who took care of me and gave me love and attention. .
I know how lucky I am and would never take it for granted. I know some people find their husbands first and then don't think they need to perfect set of friends to be bridesmaids. So they'll shove some cousins in ugly dresses and call it a day. But those bridesmaids are essential. They're the ones who will literally be on your side at the wedding, and then through every little, metaphorical thing after that.
And that's how I know the friends I've so thoughtfully picked will one day be my bridesmaids. I won't be more confident with any decision I make until I say "I do."
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