For years, I have developed a fascination with being skinny. I saw girls in the hallways and always thought to myself, "I would kill to look like them." So I tried.
At first, I skipped breakfast. I was fine, I was not hungry so I decided that if I can cut down to two meals, why not cut down to one? Surely I was losing weight, but I did not look like how I wanted to. So, I decided to cut dinner out too.
Everything was fine.
I was skinny, but I was not happy.
I hated wearing bathing suits out in public because my ribs would show. I hated wearing tight clothes because you could see each and every one of my bones. But that was not the worst of it.
I started working and one day I got really lightheaded like I was going to faint. Then, day after day, my legs would start shaking. I had a lot of people concerned about my well-being and I decided that is not the life I want to live.
When I was with friends who knew what I was doing to myself, every time I would come back from the bathroom they would give me a "did you just throw up?" look. Here is the thing, I did not throw up my food, I starved myself. There is a difference.
It has been a long road, without a doubt. But one thing I have learned from this is that life is actually beautiful. Being skinny is not everything and that is why I am sharing my story. Anorexia, bulimia, and all of the other eating disorders CAN and WILL kill you.
I am not saying to completely start eating like you used to before you developed an eating disorder. But I am saying try little bits and pieces every day.
Do not let your eating disorder determine whether or not your days on this earth are numbered. Take your life back. Give yourself the life you have always dreamed about having.
I want to be happy, I want to be successful, but I also want to be healthy. An eating disorder would not give me that.
My mom would tell me all the time that I was getting too skinny and I needed to eat but I told myself it was all in her head. Except now, I realize she was right.
So, to my eating disorder, we are through.
I am taking my life back one day at a time.
One day, I am going to be happy and healthy and you will not be able to control me anymore.