PEANUTVILLE, C.O.- This past Tuesday, Walter Nutman (CEO of SKIPPY INC.) announced that the company will be recalling record amounts of peanut butter units. This move is in response to the controversy caused by customers who were protesting the use of real peanuts. The public's reaction to the peanut butter brand incorporating the use of real peanuts into their product was volatile to say the least.

Within 72 hours of changing the product's recipe, SKIPPY Head Quarters had been desecrated with toilet paper, manure and graffiti. As if the odd combination of vandalism was not enough, local Peanutville Police Department (P.P.D), reported that Walter Nutman and his family have received various threats against their safety.

Naturally, customers were outraged, as they felt the company had betrayed the public's trust by using natural ingredients in their food. "It felt like an attempt on my life," said customer Gavin LaDiaper, "I'm allergic to peanuts, so obviously I was terrified when I found out my peanut butter had been in contact with peanuts". LeDiaper is not alone in his stance against the brand's latest recipe change.

On Wednesday, a local WholeFoods experienced a stop in business when employees and staff orchestrated a strike in response to the sale of the altered peanut butter. There has been no word as to the whereabouts of Walter Nutman and his family, who presumably fled the country.

The latest chain of events casts a great amount of doubt on the company's future direction. Earlier this quarter, Wall Street insiders' leaked information that detailed the peanut butter brand's acquisition of hundreds of organic grape farms. Presumably, this was the early stage of the company's new direction which focused on products containing the proper ingredients.

In an effort to seize the void left in the peanut butter marketplace, McDonald's has launched its own line of products adeptly named "McNut Butter". While many may view it as mere coincidence, it should be noted that McDonald's President Ronald McDonald (who has a criminal background in corporate extortion and petty vandalism) has disappeared following the peanut scandal.

Local Peanutville Police are attempting to locate Ronald McDonald as he has emerged as a person of interest in regards to the threats made against the Nutman family.

This is a developing story and will be closely monitored for the next 15 minutes. So check back within that time frame.

If you have any information and have seen either the Nutman family or international fugitve Ronald McDonald, please call 1-800-1800.