I am a person who builds walls. I hide behind them and if I still feel visible, I erect even taller ones. While I feel safer behind these walls, I am only harming myself further. Each brick that is placed holds the reason for its existence on it, written in bold letters for all to see. I have the choice to place each brick one of two ways: with the reason facing outward for the rest of the world to see and know the reason for my hiding, or face the reason inward where I can see every mistake and all the world sees is a wall. I chose the latter.

It is not only bad to build walls to hide yourself, but to be reminded of the reasons they are built is even worse. There is also no way to turn the bricks around, so to change from facing inward to outward or vice versa, you have to place additional bricks which only means you focus on your problem more than once. I have many walls built around me to where I am running out of ladder to build them any taller. I have reached my cap and will have to start building in closer parameter to me, giving me even less space to move freely in my already captive environment.

I am a fighter. I may not look tough but I am a crazy person. I have grown tired of staring at the bricks, at the insecurities, at the embarrassments, at the mistakes. I have been punching and banging on the walls. I have blocked everyone off around me with my walls so it is my job to break them. If you have ever hit a brick wall before, you know that is is hard to break and even if you succeed, the pain remains for some time after. There is so much pain as you try and break them. All the blood, sweat, and tears may seem like you are not getting any further when in all actuality, each hit helps a little bit. Every time you try and fight it, you are making progress. Your will to change determines how hard you hit that wall.

I have given many punches to my walls and I have learned something very important from them. If you hit the ones near the bottom, the root of the wall where you built upwards from, you can do something amazing. These bricks are the biggest, strongest, and take so much energy out of you to break... but I have succeeded and hit the bricks on the bottom of one of my walls. With that, it became clear that I could push harder, even when I think its over, and that wall came tumbling down. As it fell backwards I saw the horizon of the world I closed myself off from. That wall fell down and turned into a bridge. At the end of my wall, friends. They are waiting for my to cross over and go to them.

That one particular wall was my insecurities, my body hate. I have started eating more, even if by myself (which I do not prefer to do). Although I have other walls to break, I can start crossing this one in the process. When my wall fell down, it covered the river of life that can wash away the bold reasons for each bricks existence. The only problem is, it washes away what is on the bottom, the part that the world used to see. The side of the wall I need to walk on to see my friends is the inward insecurities I stared at every day. Each step I take, I can either look down and be intimidated by the bricks, or I can look up and see that my friends accept the way I look. It will be a hard path to cross, but an easier walk than breaking more walls. I hope to eventually break all my walls down, and watch them become bridges to cross to a happier life full of friends and acceptance, by them and by myself.

"Start changing yourself if you want to change to life around you" ~Mahatma Gandhi