DISCLAIMER:
I made a New Year’s resolution with my editor to write a listicle in 2016. A listicle is sort of like an article, just with a list where the “art” used to be. It very well may be my only listicle ever, so enjoy.
P.S. Yes, I used GIFs. Here's a GIF that explains how I feel about using GIFs.
Without further ado, I give you... the many varieties and awkward moments of handshaking.
One of the struggles of the male gender lies in something as simple as a handshake. For many guys, there are few things as meaningful as a firm handshake. Its how we meet new people and greet ones we already know.
In guy world, there are different versions of the handshake. Allow me to break it down.
1. The Classic
This is the standard, tried and true shake. It's the one your dad teaches you. (Major Key: You gotta touch webbies. If you know what that means, you’re the real deal.)
2. The One All The Kids Are Doing
This one is more involved. It’s basically a low five, the less popular opposite of the high five.
This is only half the process, however. Immediately following the low five, the two bros slide their hands back and lock fingers. This is when the actually shake motion occurs. It is reserved for homies. If you’re feeling extra friendly, you can add a half hug in between the low five and shake. Obama knows this.
3. The Fist Bump
Also known as the “pound” or the “dap,” dudes of all ages use the fist bump when something cool happens. For example, if my roommate scored us some free tickets to a concert, a fist bump would be in order.
Variations include exploding fists and the up-down-pound.
4. The Forearm Shake
Aka, The Warrior Shake. It’s a tad more obscure, yet self-explanatory. Mostly used by spartans and people scared of hand germs.
With so many options, we guys can easily get confused. Not everyone knows when to use which handshake, let alone what each means. But hey, that’s the tough world we live in.
Here are some examples of handshakes going horribly wrong.
1. The Betrayal
If you know this feeling, I feel for you. Sometimes when the first shake doesn't add up, you have to bail for another, more prepared candidate. Unfortunately, that leaves one guy standing there feeling like a used dishrag.
2. The "Lost in Translation"
In the midst of celebration, impulse often takes over. You turn to your pal, ready to slap him a glorious high five, but your pal didn't get the memo. He's coming in hot with a fresh fist bump, and the two collide into an uncomfortable, "let's not talk about this" kind of moment. By the way, this fist and open hand combo is called a "turkey."
3. The "We're Not Cool Like That"
This often occurs with old friends and acquaintances you haven't seen in a while. One of you goes for the full-fledged hug, while the other would much prefer a less invasive route.
4. The Culture Shock
Greetings go badly when two people just aren't on the same wave length. Imagine trying you and your friend's secret handshake with your grandfather. Didn't go well, did it?
5. The Hand-Eye Coordination
When you've just achieved victory, the last thing you want to worry about is your aim. Spontaneous high fives like these can go off the rails, resulting in a gruesome train wreck of fingers and thumbs.
6. The Whole Catalog
There are times when two men know they blew the shake. This sends them into a tailspin, frantically trying every version of the handshake until they get a match. It's kind of like when two people meet head-on in a hallway and both step to the same side. These poor dudes settled on a nice bro hug.
