While rummaging through some old college-freshman-year essay assignments, I came across one that my University101 professors assigned. After showing The Breakfast Club in class, he sent us all back to our dorms with the task of answering the question, "Who am I?" based off of one of the characters in the film. Who did we relate to most, an athlete, a basket case, a princess or a criminal? My answer surprised my now-sophomore-self, which inspired me to share it with others. Who knew watching such a classic, and frankly, boring movie might bring out some self-reflection.
As I think about the question, “Who Am I?” I cannot seem to place myself in any one category. During the movie "The Breakfast Club," the best character I could identify with is Brian, and even that is a far stretch. Yes, I study when I need to and yes, I was notorious for being the “goody two shoes” of my high school class. However, I have never felt intense pressure from anyone to earn all A’s and I certainly have never experienced any suicidal thoughts. Maybe I relate to Andy because I participated in sports all through high school, or maybe I relate to Allison because I can be pretty weird around my friends. Maybe some days I even feel a little John Bender come out in me when I do something “rebellious” like attempt (and fail) to dye my hair pink. All of the characters' personalities, however, prove too strong and extreme for me, so instead of comparing myself to them in too much detail, I will just paint my own unique picture of myself.
I am an active, intelligent, driven, particular, Christian, piggy-loving, treadmill running girl who is actually just now finding out who she really is. After just surviving the hardest and most emotional summer of my life, everything I thought I cared about and wanted for myself has been flipped upside down. “Flipped upside down” sounds negative of course, and initially I thought it was; however, after months of soul searching and prayer, I have come to realize that the kind of “flipped upside down” I am experiencing is the healthy and exciting kind. Maybe now I categorize myself as adventurous -- I no longer have to plan in detail my future and worry about what might happen tomorrow, next week or next semester. Or perhaps, I just trust that God has my tomorrow, next week and next semester all taken care of before I am even aware that something needs to be handled.
Actually, the latter is the best definition of “myself” that I can think of. With life’s ups and downs, life’s punches and blows, even life’s praises and joys, one thing people can count on in life is that it rarely remains constant or comfortable. Life hardly goes the way we might plan or hope, or the way we might expect. However, amidst the wreckage and even the relief, I know I find my identity in Christ. When people disappoint me, when people betray and hurt me, when life kicks me in the gut, God still calls me His. No matter what I do in life, whether I might scream vulgarities at a teacher, brutally harass an innocent kid in the locker room, attempt to conceal a weapon at school or bottle up extreme resentment and hatred against my parents, God will always love me just the same.
Psalm 100 says, “It is He who made us, and we are His.” This is how I answer the question, “Who Am I?” Because the reality is that I am barely nineteen years old, with many mistakes in my past and many mistakes to be made in my future. I am just now figuring out what makes me myself, what interests I have, what kind of people I want in my life, and what sort of future I hope to have. One thing I know for sure, however, is that I am the daughter of the King, the Creator of the Universe, whose love for me is unfailing despite life’s rollercoaster-like symptoms, and my tendency to fall apart.
