My Break Up Dragged Me Face First Through The Dirt But I Am Better For It

There is a phrase going through my friend group right now: "We are feeling feelings in 2019."

I laughed along with the rest of the group the first few times it was said, but then the break up happened. The break up happened and I was feeling a way I never had before and I didn't like it.

I have had friend breakups and those had hurt but we had been growing apart and I saw it coming. I have had book characters die and Harry Potter end. I have definitely experienced "heartbreak", but this? This was unimaginable.

I admit I was pathetic. I wallowed in self-pity, laid in bed, didn't eat a lot. It was unhealthy, it was grueling, and above all, it took a toll on my mental health. I was trying to forget and ignore my feelings, which was only prolonging my pain.

It was over. He didn't want me anymore. Our relationship was never going to revive itself. Deep down I knew this was the best thing, but I refused to let myself think it. That refusal cost me a few extra days and weeks in the dark.

I needed to face my feelings head on. I needed to look them in the eye and say, "I see you. I feel you. I know why you are here, but you are not going to get the best of me."

Face them head-on.

Going through a break up looks different for everyone, but we all feel the same type of pain. Some of us for longer than others. Even as I write this, I still miss my ex. I still feel the pains of heartbreak, but they are fleeting moments now. They are fleeting moments because I acknowledge them.

Acknowledging your feelings is good. Accepting that they are there and knowing why you are feeling them is healthy. It helps you heal.

I learned two valuable lessons over the past two months: heartbreak is actually the worst and you need to feel it in order to move on.

You are going to experience a painful break up (romantic or not) in your lifetime. It happens. It is part of life. Knowing it will happen and knowing that what you are feeling is normal is so important. It was easy for me to get down on myself and tell myself how pathetic I was. I would tell myself I should be over it by now.

And you might tell yourself those things. Please don't.

There is no time limit on healing and there never will be. You might be feeling your feelings for months. I still feel the pain more than I would like to. I still cry. Not as much though, progress is showing. Smiling is way easier than it was two weeks ago.

The important thing to remember is feeling things is healthy, dwelling on them is not. Don't let your feelings get in the way of actually living your life. You can allow yourself twenty minutes a day to feel, cry, think, write, whatever it is you have to do, but then you have to pick yourself up and live your day.

Don't worry about the future or how long it will take you to heal. Take it day by day. Work on yourself, rediscover who you are without this other person in your life.

You are amazing. You won't ever appreciate the highs if you don't go through the lows; no matter how long the lows last.

You are worthy and loved. Put on your brave face, stare down the obstacles, and keep on going.

You can do it.