When you look into the mirror, what do you see? You see your face, your body, and your legs looking back at you; that’s the normal reflection. I am not normal. I look into the mirror, and I see two things. First, I see a warrior. Her stance is strong and her power reflects onto me through the sparkling glass of the mirror. Her empowerment shines and she is ready to fight. She is ready to do what she needs to do to survive. As quickly as she comes, she fades slowly out of my line of vision. The figure morphs into a frail, weak woman. Her sad eyes stare into my soul and I can feel her tears on my cheeks. This time, it’s different; this presence is frighteningly sad. She is ready to give up; she is sick of fighting. Her scars show that she’s been fighting for a while. In the blink of an eye, she disappears as well, and I’m left there alone. These women are my reflection. I may not be normal, but these women are me.

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder, I wake up in the morning, never really knowing which one of these women I am going to embody that day. I then go through the day being one woman and sometimes end the day as the other. One moment, I am the warrior. I stare adversity in the face and get ready to take on whatever life has to throw at me. The next moment, I am the weak woman. I shy away from all human interaction and hide away from the challenges of the day.

The main aspect associated with BPD is an extreme and intense fear of abandonment. This fear is frequent and when on the forefront of the mind, can lead to extreme mood swings. In addition, mood swings themselves are a factor of the mental illness itself.

Borderline Personality Disorder is an unknown illness; not many people know about it unless they live with it or are close to someone who does. But it's a more common illness than you would think. So it's important not to be ignorant to this, especially if you are close with someone who struggles with it. People with BPD are known to have difficult relationships as their mood swings and fear of abandonment can cause severe issues. Not knowing whether I am going to be the warrior or the weak woman each day greatly impacts my significant other. BPD has definitely put strains on my past and present relationships, but if the person cares enough, it's possible to get through.

Everyone has their moments where they go through weakness and self-doubt, but people struggling with BPD have a higher likelihood to encounter full blown, 180-degree mood swings. And any little thing can trigger one.

The fear of losing someone. A fight with a loved one. A non-intentional strange look from a friend, leading me to believe that he or she is upset with me when in fact, it's all in my head. Any of these can trigger the fear of abandonment in my mind, and thus, cause a mood swing. I can go from being fine one minute to breaking down and crying the next. A simple name brought up, a text from someone, or just a thought can cross my mind and I’ll go from happy to depressed in a second. It's that easy.

So who am I today?

Starting this article, I was the warrior. I was ready to share a glimpse of my story to enlighten the community about Borderline Personality Disorder.

While writing this article, I became the weak woman. I was nervous that people would look at me differently and become afraid of me, knowing the insights of my emotional instability from BPD.

Ending this article, I am the warrior again. I know that it helps break the stigma of what Borderline Personality Disorder actually is and helps the survivors of BPD realize that they are not alone.

So today, I am both the warrior and the weak woman. Just like every other day.