Boys: Can't Live With Them and Can't Live Without Them

Boys: Can't Live With Them and Can't Live Without Them

The real reasons why girls seem to be naturally attracted to jerks, even though they know how it's going to end.
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Boys – we can’t live with them and we can’t live without them. This old saying still holds to its truest meaning today. As women, we are naturally drawn to men and while there is more than one type of man out there, many women fall victim to the stereotypical “bad boy.” Before even being hardly acquainted with the person, feelings are caught, and you know you are in a bad situation, but you still dive head first in the water hoping that your gut feeling is wrong.

As a young woman in college, I admit that over the course of two months I have fallen victim to not one, not two, but three guys that have fit the stereotype perfectly. Safe to say, third time is not the charm. Each time I entered into a new “relationship” I knew exactly what I was getting into and pretty much expected that what happened, was going to happen. But why are many women ultimately so interested in bad boys and jerks? Is it the allure? The challenge? The drama? To be honest, it’s a combination of all of those things and the fact that dating a “nice guy” would be too easy.

The chase and the challenge

Bad boys tend to have many positive traits that most women typically look for in guys such as, good looks, good humor, confidence, charisma, and good social skills. They also rarely want to ever commit, therefore leading you to constantly chase after them. While I don’t actually act “crazy” so to say, I do love a good subtle chase of a guy when one of them sparks my interest. Many women tend to see this as a challenge and more often than not believe that they can be the ones to make the guy change his player ways. More often than not this does not work and just leaves the woman disappointed.

So what, he’s cute?

Charming smiles, good looks, good personality. Yep, that seems to fit my definition of someone I’d be interested in. And not only do you think he’s cute, but so do your friends. They gas you up and tell you that he’s a keeper and that you would be so good for each other. If they only knew, right? Not to mention the fact that it actually feels pretty uplifting to be talking to someone that everyone else seems to want, but you’re the one that has him. Well, for now anyway.

“You’re unlike any girl I’ve ever met”

We’ve all heard this classic line before. It makes you feel special and actually makes you believe that out of all the girls they’ve been with, they might actually choose you. Bad boys know exactly how to sweet talk a girl and unfortunately, we believe every single word of it.

Hate the game, not the player

Don’t expect to find a “nice guy” at a bar or frat party. As a girl that’s in a sorority, this is the typical scene I live in and why I suppose I have yet to find a good guy. Of course the guys I’ve met are fun to be around and they make good friends, however, finding one that’s not going to play the game is like saying you’re not going to go out on a Thursday night.

They have lowered your standards.

So you’ve been seeing and talking to this guy for a little while now and he doesn’t treat you as well as he should be. He doesn’t call you back, flirts with other girls, is just downright rude to you at times. Any nice thing or gesture he does from this point on gives you hope that he is actually going to change his ways. Small and meaningless gestures seem like a big deal because you have lowered your standards of what you should actually expect from a guy. Luckily this hasn’t happened to me. I know my worth and I know how I should be treated. However, for many women, lowering their standards for a guy can really hurt their self-esteem and how they view themselves. Don’t stand for a guy treating you in a way that you know you don’t deserve to be treated. This is the main reason why bad boys are still thriving – because we let them.

Cover Image Credit: studio13spraytan.com

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle: Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay.

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying. What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense. I've heard it all, "He was cute, why didn't you like him?" "You didn't even give him a chance!" "You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous; however, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do. I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well. Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

THIS IS CRUCIAL FOR FINDING A NICE GUY. It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault. If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs." Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him. If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it. He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush. Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling. :)

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Stop Making Instagram Your Only Outlet For Social Activism

Instagram is a great place to spread awareness, but stop confusing your desire for clout with your desire to save the world.

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Instagram is, without a doubt, one of my guiltiest pleasures. I often find myself spending way too much time on social media, caught up in the world of likes, filters, and hashtags. On the daily, I scroll through hundreds of selfies, beach pictures, happy birthday posts, and the occasional dog pictures. I am all for posting whatever you want on your Instagram account and personally hate the so-called "rules" that govern how we use social media.

Just as the use of Instagram and other forms of social media keeps growing, so has our generation's awareness of social issues. Everywhere I go, I get reminded of the issues our world is facing. Whether it be plastic, global warming, poverty, animal rights, etc., it is clear that our generation wants to see a change. Even though this is amazing, recently I've noticed that so many people my age are confusing the true desire to spread social awareness with the desire to make their Instagram account look better.

A few months ago on Earth Day, my Instagram feed was flooded with pictures of nature. Almost all of these pictures were of girls at the beach, or hiking with their friends, or even taken from the window of an airplane. While the idea of posting about how much you love the Earth and want to save it is a harmless idea, it does nothing to actually save the planet.

I fully support posting a picture of yourself at the beach, and showing off your confidence, but don't post it on Earth Day, pretending it's the ocean behind you that you care about. If you really want to save the Earth and make a difference, posting a yearly Earth Day picture of yourself is not the way to do it. Wanting likes and clout on social media is a part of how today's generation values themselves and each other, but thinking that this is actually promoting any form of social justice is plain wrong.

More recently, videos of baby calves being taken away from their mothers (highlighting the truth behind the dairy industry) have been flooding my social media feed. These videos are heartbreaking, and I am sure that the people posting them truly think they are horrific as well. Posting this type of content is a great way to spread initial awareness, but don't let it be your only outlet for promoting justice for the things you care about.

Social media keeps our world extremely interconnected, and without it, awareness of many of the problems our world is facing wouldn't reach nearly as far as it does. I'm not saying that using Instagram to spread awareness is a bad idea, I'm just saying that it shouldn't be your only outlet for doing so.

If you hate how much plastic our world consumes, go around to local stores and restaurants and ask them to cut their use of plastic. If you hate how the dairy industry treats cows, become a vegan. Promoting awareness while not actually doing anything to change the issues at hand is useless. Our generation is so strong and powerful, and we all need to stop hiding behind our desire for Instagram likes and start actually changing the things we care about.

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