Dear Ex-Boyfriend,
I have discovered recently that I don’t like to be vulnerable. I know, I feel like it’s a basic thing I should have known, but I am not great at self-reflection. So here I am, being vulnerable as hell because I’m not entirely sure how to get this all out of my system. So here is a fraction of how I am feeling about how things went down.
When we first started going out, I tried to make my faith pretty clear—I am a church-going Southern Baptist girl who loves Jesus. Granted, I did not always live out my faith, (more on that later). I asked you what you believed in. You soul-searched for weeks, taking all you had to give me an answer. And you told me you were an atheist. And that is where it went downhill: I rejected your faith. Every time you brought something up, I automatically made it into something religious. It breaks my heart that people do not see the incredible God I see. I want to share my faith with people, but shoving it down your throat was not the approach I should have taken. I was not aiming for a “flirt-to-convert” kind of deal, so I am sorry if it seemed that way; my apologies. I had genuine affection. Truth be told, I do not know how to handle someone of a different faith. I believe that in the long run, I will be with someone that shares my faith.
One time while we were arguing about religion, you asked me, “If you’re so into Jesus, why don’t you talk about it more?” And you were referring to my everyday language (not when we were arguing). And you’re right; I don’t always incorporate my faith in what I’m doing. I saw everything in life from a religious perspective- seeing God’s creation and how I think He would want me to do things (again, not always. Everyone slips up). But, now that I am going through a period of doubt, I understand where atheists and other religions are coming from. To step outside of the holy bubble, everything religious seems like a foreign fairytale that couldn’t possibly be true. For me, I had never questioned my faith before. But now that I am, I feel like I can understand your approach to life a little better. To me, this doubt is soul-crushing and making my life so difficult. However, I want to work my way back to God and stay in faith. I want to be bold and unapologetically stand up for what I believe in.
I would like to take a minute to thank you. Thank you for being so respectful to me. Despite different views of my world, you appreciated my initiative to volunteer in the church and my dedication to what I do. Additionally, you were always respectful of boundaries. I was the one who didn’t make things clear. I didn’t define boundaries because I wanted to take it to the brink. Thank God you were respectful and considerate of me and my space. I need to personally define boundaries and actually stick to them.
The break-up process- It's difficult when heart, mind, and body say three different things.I will acknowledge this though: We would not have worked out. We are both dealing with unresolved issues that were interfering with our relationship. Now is the time to work on ourselves and that is important process. I do miss the times we had together, but parting was in our best interest. I am sad that we don’t talk anymore and that I lost a best friend, but that was your decision to stop talking. I pray that you find your way in life and that maybe something good will come out of this. I still believe that God has a plan for everything and that maybe you were right- this taught me that I can only date people who share my faith (other Christians).
I do not regret us.
Thank you for being a good boyfriend and best wishes in life.
Sincerely,
Emily
