There was a tweet posted by Buzzfeed's Kelsey Darragh of a list she wrote for her boyfriend to help him understand her anxiety/panic attacks. Her boyfriend wanted to understand her and her disorders so the list is meant to guide him while he also learns as the relationship progresses.
For those who for some reason still don't know, I have terrible anxiety. It tends to affect all areas of my life, whether I like it or not, Recently, I had a conversation with my boyfriend about my anxiety and he expressed that I never actually had a conversation about it with him. Therefore he was unsure how to respond if I were to have an anxiety attack around him. So, I took a note from Kelsey's book and wrote him a list.
Maybe this list and a couple explanations will not only help my boyfriend in times of an anxiety crisis but also help other people with anxiety similar to mine explain to their loved ones how to help. Or maybe it could help someone looking for an idea on how to help a loved one with anxiety.
Do not get frustrated with me.
I'm already at my wit's end. Getting upset with me will only upset me further and heighten the tension of the entire situation. I'l probably start crying or yelling and if we're in public then people will start to stare. No one wins then.
Frequently remind me to breath.
I will likely lose a normal breathing pattern. I will also likely forget to breath and then complain that I'm light headed and my lungs burn. I will pass out. Reminding me to breathe is vital.
Ask me if I need to leave.
I don't always need to leave the area and assuming that I do is pretty frustrating. Ask if I need to leave before making any moves to remove me. I hate when people assume I am too helpless to make my own choices.
If it is bad enough to need to make an exit, let me come to you.
Do not touch me right out of the gate. Let me calm down and come to you first. If you go to touch me first I will start to panic further and cause a scene. No one wants people to stare in this situation.
Do not let me sit.
I will curl into myself and then all hopes of this being a short attack is lost. I will get on the ground and be in the fetal position until you physically remove me.
If I'm verbal, validate what I am saying.
I will be saying a lot of insane things. Almost all of it will make no sense. The worst thing you can do is tell me I'm being unreasonable. Just validate me in the moment and then discuss it with me later.
If I'm crying, remind me it's okay to cry.
I will likely be embarrassed because I am crying. Remind me that it is okay to cry out what I am feeling and that no one is judging me.
Bodily contact keeps me calm.
I need to be held more often than not in order to be reminded that you're there to help me. It also helps having a familiar scent when I feel like I am out of my mind. Don't be alarmed if I bury my head in your chest or shoulder.
Weight/Pressure is key.
The pressure of a weighted arm makes me feel grounded and safe. It is so important that I have that pressure on my shoulders or chest. Otherwise I am likely to feel like I am losing hold on where I am.
Attempt to distract me.
Ask me questions, talk about things I can learn from. Anything to distract my mind from the chaos going on inside of it. It helps lighten the mood as well as keep me from getting even more upset.
Wait until I'm calm to ask questions.
Asking me a lot of questions about my anxiety will only heighten my anxiety. More often than not I actually don't know why I am freaking out. My anxiety just hates me. It's one of the absolute worst things you could do.
