"He didn't judge me. He never picked me apart to decipher my pros and cons. He simply decided he wanted the whole package; my insecurities along with my uniqueness. And for the first time ever in a relationship, I saw myself blooming..." - Alfa
I told myself no. No, that I would never allow myself to be in the position to have my heart "broken" again. No, that I would never re-open the doors to expose what I thought was my "fragile" heart. No, that I would never again fall for the perfect illusion with which "love" seemed to disguise itself; because after all, it's just an illusion, right?
That's what I thought, and what most of us resort to thinking at some point, possibly due to a lack of decision making skills that, apparently, can only be developed after a multitude of heartbreaks. What I've noticed to be the problem with myself, and practically every other girl I've ever met, is that we all know somewhere inside of us how we deserve to be treated, but let's face it, Disney's "Prince Charming" doesn't come prancing out of his castle to transform fairy tales into reality very often. So, we settle. We settle for what appears to be the closest to thing to "Mr. Right", and we lose ourselves in him. But never mind that "Mr. Right" went to another girl's house at 2 a.m. It's not his fault. He can't help it. He's just like every other 17 year old boy, and that's how they're supposed to act, right? We're just supposed to accept our lot in life and deal with their actions because "it's just apart of life", right?
It disgusts me to think that I had succumbed to that sick way of thinking, that I had become the victim of my own naivete.
I refused to be that girl ever again. I couldn't bear to subject myself to living that life anymore. I wanted to do my own thing. I didn't want any boy preventing me from achieving my goals. I didn't want anyone dragging me down. Never before had the thought crossed my mind that a boy might support me in doing my own thing, while he did his too. I never knew that a boy would be willing to push me to achieve my goals, as opposed to hindering my pursuit of them. I never realized that a boy was supposed to lift me up to heights unknown, instead of dragging me down to the all too familiar lows that I had just accepted as "part of life". Little did I know, a boy could be a partner, not just the name or date followed by a variety of carefully planned out emojis on your social media bios.
But, yours was the love that came without any kind of warning; while I still had caution tape around my heart, you crossed the lines and made it yours before I could even protest.
I was drawn to you because you didn't seem to be so emotionally screwed up, like I had assumed everyone our age was. You didn't need anyone to complete you; you were perfectly whole on your own. I wanted to be like that. But how could I trust another 17 year old boy? You were convincing, but so was every other manipulative boy I'd ever met.
What you were, though, that every other boy was not, was genuine. There was a certain pureness in yours that I had never seen in another pair of eyes before, and a sweetness to your smile that rivaled that of all the smirks I had grown accustomed to. You were willing to give me the time to accept the connection that we both knew was there. When I still wasn't sure, you told me to listen to God and not just to what you were promising. You put my happiness above your own. You valued me. You pushed me to chase my out-of-the-box dreams, because you believed in me. You managed to restore my faith in humanity when it had been shaken. With you, I am reminded of the strong, independent individual I'm meant to be, and that is how my stubborn heart knew you would be the one to prove to me that they aren't all the same. And that you did.
