Before you mended my heart , it was broken into so many pieces that I knew it would never be completely whole again.

My previous relationship took all of me–every piece. When the relationship was no more and my heart had gained an ever growing void, I had no hope. Nothing could compare to what had been, and I didn't even have the motivation to pursue it. I felt lost and betrayed, but mostly foolish. I couldn't comprehend how someone could be so selfish towards me, when I had given them my all. My first thought to myself went something along the lines of, "what did I do wrong?". However, my thoughts began to come into perspective. I did nothing wrong- you were the one who took my emotions and utilized them at your disposal. The emotions, physical actions, and title had run dry. Unfortunately, my feelings still consumed me. I found no avenue to replace the hole in my life, which had previously been occupied by my relationship. I turned to the only thing I knew: alcohol and men (or boys, rather).

My life was in complete ruin. Every Thursday through Saturday felt like an ever going game to see how much alcohol I could consume before it consumed me. Eventually the Jack & Coke, hunch punch, and Ciroc had no effect on me. No amount of alcohol could fill the pit of nothingness that occupied my heart. Not only was my tolerance at an all time high, as was the absence of my emotions. Yet again, my current state of affairs had made another turn.

Once alcohol was no longer an outlet for me, I turned to attention. I was lonely. My needs became less of an emotional matter and more physical. I wasn't focused on anything long term, and I began to only become involved in things that were short lived. I didn't demand respect or dignity–so, I came and I went. As I would come and go, so did the "relationships". I soon quickly found out, that this channel was no longer doing it for me either.

So, there I was– in between a rock and a hard place.

Finally, I found a reprieve.

When you first came into my life, I saw it as nothing more than another one time thing. I could never imagine a future with you, nor did I want to. When you would try to reach out to me I would leave you on open, hoping the communications would stop, yet you continued to pursue. Every morning I would wake up and have a notification of sorts from you. Soon thereafter, I began to notice the effort being put forth (even if it was only one sided).

And it was then, that I had been drawn to you through your constant persistence and effort.

Ever since, you have been building me back up. My emotions are present again, and in the best way possible. I no longer find myself aimlessly wondering what my tab will look like this weekend, or who's bed I will find myself in. I wake up knowing the divide that was once great, is shrinking daily. I know I'm not perfect, and I never will be. However, you are perfect for me. You love me the way I need and want to be loved. You care for me in a way that I crave, and that I never grow tired of.

Sometimes we disagree, and that's okay. I know that no matter the size of our feud, its effects will never harm what we have. So even as I write this during the argument we're in, right now, I can never stay mad at you for long. Because you're something different– instead of breaking my heart, you're picking up all the pieces.