Goodbye To The Boy Who Sexually Assaulted Me, You Can Never Hurt Me Again

Goodbye To The Boy Who Sexually Assaulted Me, You Can Never Hurt Me Again

In 30 minutes you turned my life around.

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*Content Warning: Sexual Assault*

You destroyed me.

You took away my innocence.

You were able to take away my dreams and aspirations.

You were able to shut me down in ways I didn't know to be possible.

In 30 minutes you turned my life around.

Broken trust, that is what you left me with. A broken sense of stability and love. Sometimes I sit and wonder why you thought it was okay to take advantage of me? Why it was okay to hit, and belittle me? You had me left feeling foreign to my own body.

But then I realize it is not my fault, it is yours. This is not a cry for help or an avenue to get attention this is me raising awareness that not only did you hurt me but others are experiencing the same thing you put me through.

My innocence was taken by you without consent. I sat in my room for hours after that night thinking of ways to end the life I was given. I spent countless nights waking up screaming with tears rushing down my face. I spent the majority of my future relationships scared of ever letting myself feel again. I was forced to take avenues of help like therapy appointments and trying different depression medicines. All of this resulted from the 30 minutes you could not control yourself.

Yes, you destroyed me. But now I'm stronger than ever, you will never be able to hurt me again.

With all of the pain and endless nights of contemplating my reason to live, I found strength, I found a way to share my voice and help others experiencing this pain. I am stronger now than I ever thought possible.

I wake up every day now appreciating the things in life that matter most to me, like the love my boyfriend has for me, the amazing family I am blessed with, and the amazing friends that helped me through this experience. I have learned that fighting for my life was worth it and I was not going to let you take that away from me.

I will not stop sharing my story, I have learned that sharing my experiences of sexual assault has let others feel less alone in the scary process that you, unfortunately, put me through. What you did to me was not okay. But through this, I have understood and realized my worth in this crazy rollercoaster we call life.

I found strength in the moments you made me the weakest, and I'm no longer looking back.

I have hope that other survivors will understand that their life is just as valuable. There is a bigger fight for happiness and finding it is not always the easiest but the journey getting there is worth it.

You ARE strong.

You ARE worth it.

It's NOT your fault.

You're NOT alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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If You Went To Elementary School In The Early 2000s, These 20 Things Will Bring You Back

We may have grown up with technology, but our childhoods were a much simpler time.

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Early 2000's kids grew up in a special period of time; during the rapid rise of modern technology. Many of us went through elementary school without smartboards and not having any sort of computer at home, then graduated high school only six years later with an iPhone in our pockets and not having opened a book in who knows how long. Enjoy some early 2000's nostalgia from a simpler time.

1. Class pictures

https://giphy.com/gifs/southparkgifs-3o6Ztmbv7k7I5spoIw

Do these still exist? Probably, but as a lifetime lover of fashion this was easily one of my most favorite days of the school year.

2. Carpet squares

https://giphy.com/gifs/RlBtYmW0BGUHS

There was always that one lucky class who brought them to assemblies and put everyone else's sore butts to shame.

3. Color-coded behavior cards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSbh9sehNA4

Let's be honest: the threat of a call home kept most of us from ever turning our cards past yellow.

4. Red Ribbon Week

https://giphy.com/gifs/snl-seth-rogen-nasim-pedrad-fqLcYob89OyIg

Ah, the good old days...back when theme days and scary drug factoids actually scared us off.

5. Scooter boards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOPNXjZ2BhY

No explanation necessary.

6. FitnessGram Pacer Test

https://giphy.com/gifs/splat-nicksplat-doug-xT1R9DPYQt60VHs4tW

It might be a meme now, but for us early 2000's kids it was just a part of our yearly gym class curriculum.

7. Square pizza

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI7EL37OxmQ

These greasy pieces of cardboard made for the best lunch day of the week, hands down.

8. Snacks for kids' birthdays.

https://giphy.com/gifs/snacks-YiSZXjrh5PtQs

Nowadays elementary schools are more careful about allergies. Odds are if you went to elementary school fifteen years ago or before, it was a sin if a classmate didn't bring cupcakes or brownies for their birthday. Once you saw them walk in with that Tupperware container...it's all you could think about all day.

9. Book markers

https://giphy.com/gifs/chuber-arthur-library-card-3o85xpxuULZ1Svqizu

Back when young pupils used ~real books~ for learning and for fun, these thin pieces of plastic were crucial for keeping the Dewey decimal system intact.

10. Wall pencil sharpeners

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qljAQFu9E6g

For real pencils! Unless you were a cool kid and had mechanical pencils.

11. Magic Tree House, Junie B. Jones, and The Teacher from the Black Lagoon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2uZ-JE1N4Y

Some of the most popular books for kids at the time, not only did we read them in our free time but if we had a "cool" teacher they'd read them to us in class.

12. Scholastic book fairs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEfaWww5RfU

What's more exciting than leaving class to visit a pop-up bookstore in your auditorium and buy your very-own brand new, glossy book to take home?

13. Counting blocks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSqGCY_L6CY

As soon as our teachers brought these babies out, the class went wild. How our teachers actually got us to pay attention long enough to teach us anything with these is beyond me.

14. Writing in shaving cream

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM-KbR6lCDE

It's the little things! Kids love getting their hands dirty, and some brave teachers took advantage of that by letting us write in shaving cream on our desks.

15. Cursive guide sheets

https://giphy.com/gifs/q-kH45yesfSvXzi

Back when electronic signatures weren't a thing and you actually needed to know cursive…

16. Kid Pix

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNb0iY5kCcI

The start of all our technology addictions. I guarantee the theme song is still in the recesses of your mind.

17. Dance Mat typing program

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsBbX3jPoBI

It's crazy to think that there was a time when we didn't know how to type. Dance Mat was a favorite during computer class.

18. Schoolhouse Rock!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFroMQlKiag&t=8s

Learning about the US constitution? Grammar? Electricity? If your teacher failed to show you AT LEAST one Schoolhouse Rock video, you sorely missed out. Schoolhouse Rock may have been produced "before our time," but we love the timeless songs, nonetheless.

19. Overhead projectors

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mswO8cf0kw

Before smartboards existed, these were necessary for any visual-heavy lesson. If you were called up to write on the projector slide, it was either the best or worst day of your elementary career.

20. Cool Math Games

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkZmkNmbceA

Plot twist: not actually math games. For some reason everyone thought this was a secret to our teachers.

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