Goodbye To The Boy Who Sexually Assaulted Me, You Can Never Hurt Me Again

Goodbye To The Boy Who Sexually Assaulted Me, You Can Never Hurt Me Again

In 30 minutes you turned my life around.

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*Content Warning: Sexual Assault*

You destroyed me.

You took away my innocence.

You were able to take away my dreams and aspirations.

You were able to shut me down in ways I didn't know to be possible.

In 30 minutes you turned my life around.

Broken trust, that is what you left me with. A broken sense of stability and love. Sometimes I sit and wonder why you thought it was okay to take advantage of me? Why it was okay to hit, and belittle me? You had me left feeling foreign to my own body.

But then I realize it is not my fault, it is yours. This is not a cry for help or an avenue to get attention this is me raising awareness that not only did you hurt me but others are experiencing the same thing you put me through.

My innocence was taken by you without consent. I sat in my room for hours after that night thinking of ways to end the life I was given. I spent countless nights waking up screaming with tears rushing down my face. I spent the majority of my future relationships scared of ever letting myself feel again. I was forced to take avenues of help like therapy appointments and trying different depression medicines. All of this resulted from the 30 minutes you could not control yourself.

Yes, you destroyed me. But now I'm stronger than ever, you will never be able to hurt me again.

With all of the pain and endless nights of contemplating my reason to live, I found strength, I found a way to share my voice and help others experiencing this pain. I am stronger now than I ever thought possible.

I wake up every day now appreciating the things in life that matter most to me, like the love my boyfriend has for me, the amazing family I am blessed with, and the amazing friends that helped me through this experience. I have learned that fighting for my life was worth it and I was not going to let you take that away from me.

I will not stop sharing my story, I have learned that sharing my experiences of sexual assault has let others feel less alone in the scary process that you, unfortunately, put me through. What you did to me was not okay. But through this, I have understood and realized my worth in this crazy rollercoaster we call life.

I found strength in the moments you made me the weakest, and I'm no longer looking back.

I have hope that other survivors will understand that their life is just as valuable. There is a bigger fight for happiness and finding it is not always the easiest but the journey getting there is worth it.

You ARE strong.

You ARE worth it.

It's NOT your fault.

You're NOT alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.

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To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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I Broke Up With My Boyfriend And It Was The Best Thing I Could Have Done For Myself

After four years of giving my body, mind, and soul to him, it was time to tell the truth and in the end, we were both better for it.

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I didn't really know if I wanted to write about this. I'm a pretty open person but this began as a painful process that ended in resolution. I think a lot of the times, we begin to open up about what's really going on with us when we let other people see how we feel. I didn't want to slander him because we ended on good terms. But I feel like I need to tell you all how I've been feeling.

About a year ago, a lot of things changed with me and him. We didn't really see it at the time but something was wrong. Circumstances were different for him, his life was being set up exactly as he wanted it, and I was still in school.

That's when I started to see that we were becoming two different people.

I don't think he ever saw anything wrong with us the entire time. I started to feel lesser than him and I think even now, I would still feel that way. It wasn't something that I could shake, even knowing that we were in two different places in our lives.

About three months ago, I started imagining my life outside of school, where I wanted to be and who I could be once I was free. I started to realize that the answer was already there in front of me. My home was picked, the district I would be working in and most importantly, the person I would be spending the rest of my life with.

I had spent my entire college career up until that point with a specific plan in place with no extra time to think. Over time, I felt the walls caving in like I was losing air every minute I thought about the after. I questioned myself being with only one guy, having only ever dated just him. It may have been fate or the universe telling me that we weren't meant to be together, at least not now.

He helped me a lot with school and I'll always thank him for that. He brought me out of a deep dark place, one that gave me anxiety to even think about for months after. I had never thought I would find someone to spend that long a time with but I had. He was my everything but there were a lot of issues that kept bubbling from under the surface whenever things got hard, and they often did for me.

I often got confused as to what I wanted when it came to a relationship. There were a lot of times that I wanted to be alone and there were times that all I wanted was to have someone near me. We both had changed over the years and I think in the end, that's what made it all go away.

He became more independent and more isolated from me in a way that is hard to describe. He had already known who he was for a long time and I am still trying to figure that out today. I believe he wanted someone who could give him everything and I wasn't able to do that for him.

I saw a timeline of my life every time I looked into his eyes and that scared me to no end. The unpredictability of life is what makes it so exciting and that's exactly what I had been missing for so long. People can think that it's childish to want something like that but I believe life is too short to not experience the things that make life so great.

It's so hard to give all of yourself to one person. It makes for a lot of love but also a lot to lose. We had a lot of great times together but I kind of knew that something was very wrong for a long time. I didn't want to deny myself the truth and I kept it up for too long. I wanted to be myself without having to hold someone else back.

I wanted the freedom to choose where I wanted to live and what I could do with the rest of my life. I know now that he was that freedom too. This was a decision that made both of us stronger, just now separately.

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