They say that being a young mother can ruin someone. You have so much potential, why have a child when it can wait? Sometimes, God has other plans for us.
In my younger years I always said that I never wanted to have children. That having children was simply "not for me." I admitted to myself back then that I was even too selfish to be a mother. And I was right. In the midst of partying, and being carefree,with a guy who I thought was "the one",(whatever that meant), I never thought of anyone else but myself.
It never occurred to me that my actions affected other people's lives. Until those two pink lines showed up on the most important test at the time I wanted to fail. Then, in that moment, I realized that I was no longer just me. I was responsible for someone else. Someone who then was just a tiny living organism inside of me. Someone who gave me a reason to quit all of the terrible, toxic things that could have ended my life.
It is possible to love someone you've never met. I loved my son before I knew if he was a boy or a girl. I loved him for giving me a reason to get up and wake up every morning. When I thought I had nothing left to give, I was giving you life. When In reality, you gave me mine back.
The toxic relationship died out, but you were still there. I was never going to give up on you. I never will give up on you. I accepted the consequences of my actions, and it became a blessing. I became a mother. I never cared to go to college, to better myself, until you came along.
Whoever has said that becoming a mother is the end of your life, has never experienced the love for your child. The passion and desire to want to give all you can for them.
When I think back to 3 years ago I saw a girl who was hopelessly broken, trying to hang on to what little faith she had left. Praying for acceptance. And God gave me you. What I though I never wanted, was what I needed all along. Who knows where I would be if I didn't become a mother. If I would even still be here.
And that's how my two-year-old son saved my life before he was even born.
