The demise of our relationship was a long time coming, I think we both knew that. In the beginning, everything started off just fine. Everything was normal, we were in the “honeymoon phase.” The funny thing about that is, no one ever mentions what happens to relationships once that phase is over. What do you do when the honeymoon phase lasts so long that once it ends, you’ve forgotten who you were before this person came into your life? You look around and all you feel is darkness. You lose feeling. You start pushing. Pushing away your family, your friends, and any person who tries to come in contact with you. You’re so desperately trying to dig up who you were before him, only to realize the old you isn’t there anymore. Too much has happened, your mind has been too altered to even remember what you were before.
He changed you.
He made you feel as if there was no other girl in the world that he could ever see, touch, love. The way he used to look at you from across a crowded room used to make you feel so reassured. You trusted him. You knew he would never hurt you, until... He did.
Simple words, softly spoken, shattered your entire world in mere seconds. The room spinning around you, the boy who loved you, and everything you thought you knew, gone in moments.
You spend hours awake in bed racing back into your deepest memories, trying to figure out where it went wrong. What you had done to make him stop loving you. Endless days spent in class, imagining in your mind, over and over again, the story he recounted. Things were not always the best, but didn’t you always know deep down that he loved you? All it takes is one moment, to ruin your whole world.
So now you’re back in this place you never thought you would be, again. This mental state of darkness where you can’t find who you are. You can’t see the people around you that care about you, because the one person you thought cared the most, was the person who pulled that knife from the darkness and stabbed it through your heart, without warning. You shut yourself out from the world, swearing never to let someone in again. The best part is, it is not until a fateful night, months away from the hurt your heart had endured, that your heart begins beating again.
After the many months of darkness that had begun to consume you, a light shines out in the middle of a dark room. In a room full of familiar faces, an unknown figure stands out among the crowd, a figure of hope. You close your eyes and hear your dark locked away heart...slowly begin to beat again. You know now, it’s time to begin your healing process. You are ready.
So, to the boy who changed me, thank you. Thank you for putting me through the most heartbreaking experience. Thank you for forcing me to grow up. Thank you for one of the single most important life lessons I will ever learn, that even in the darkest of times, when we are truly ready, a light will always appear.
