We’ve all experienced it -- guys and girls alike -- either personally or from a story shared by a friend. You had a wild night out and woke up the next morning to discover you did something the night before that you feel less than good about. Sometimes these things are simply blush-inducing moments like taking a spill or confronting your crush about how you really feel, but sometimes these “mistakes” go a little deeper.

“I woke up with no clothes on, alone in my room. I had no idea what had happened or how I had gotten there, but my friend informed me I had been seen leaving with a guy the night before, and it was assumed that we had gone home together. Later that day I found out we had had sex.”

Although this story is alarming to think about, it is, unfortunately, not a rare instance for many college students. For many college students, going out for a night of drinking and going home with someone is considered fairly normal. While I’m not attacking those who choose to do that and can handle it, and I am not going to write an article about everything that needs to change in the hookup culture, I do think there are a few things that need to be addressed.

We all know that alcohol has different effects on different people and that different people consume alcohol differently. Where there are many people who have never experienced a "blackout," there are an equal amount of people who drink to such excess that blacking out is a common occurrence. Some people can be drunk and it’s obvious, where others can be drunk to oblivion yet appear completely fine. Drinking also lowers people's inhibitions, impairs their judgement, and makes it more likely for them to do things they wouldn’t usually choose to do. Think about it like this: would you trust a friend to make a potentially life-altering decision, such as buying a house, after taking shots all night? Probably not, because most people know well enough to know a responsible and well-thought-out decision can’t be made under those circumstances. So how is it that we don’t think a decision like that can be made while drunk, but we don’t see the same issue with sex and drinking?

Here’s the thing: most people in the world would not intentionally go home with someone and have sex with them if they didn’t believe it was consensual. The issue doesn’t necessarily lie in the fine details but the blurred lines. This isn’t about placing blame -- it’s about addressing the issues that no one thinks about. You could be going home with your significant other, a previous hookup, a crush, your lab partner, or someone you just met that night -- the point is that it doesn’t matter, because in the end they’re all the same. The ugly, scary truth that no one wants to think about is that if enough alcohol has been consumed to impair someone’s judgement, they cannot consent, and if they can't consent, it can't happen. You may be reading this and shaking your head thinking that it doesn’t apply to you, because you’d never be in this situation or you’re too good of a person or you know better -- but here’s where the blurred lines come in. Just because you’ve flirted while in class, had a sexual relationship with them previously, or think you can read signals they’ve been sending you while drunk doesn’t mean you get the green light. It is extremely hard to know how drunk someone is or if they’re truly capable of consenting because alcohol affects people so differently. I’ve met people in college who can be blackout drunk and appear completely sober, and I’ve met people who after two beers are slurring their words.

It is also very hard to know how someone is going to feel about a drunken hookup the next day. A mutual "drunken mistake" may be brushed and laughed off by one party as the same mistake haunts and traumatizes the other person involved. Sex means something different to everyone. There are many people who are capable of engaging in purely physical relationships with many different people and never develop any sort of need for attachment, and as long as it’s done in a safe manner, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. With that being said, however, there are also many people who aren’t comfortable engaging in sex unless it’s with someone they’re in a meaningful relationship with, which is also completely OK. The bottom line is that some people can handle things that others can’t -- and it’s hard to know where people’s comfort levels lie when you add alcohol to the mix.

So what do we do about it? It would be easy and simple to say that we should just stop combining alcohol and sex, but the truth of the matter is that that’s not realistic. College is about having a good time and learning who we are, even if that means we have to make mistakes along the way. Although we make mistakes, part of growing up is being able to accept responsibility for our actions, deal with them, and grow from them. The best option is to know what your limits are and where your comfort zone is, and to know the person’s that you’re getting involved with as well before deciding to take it to the bedroom.