I hope you know that I will always love you, no matter what. I will always remember the good things you did for us and the good times we had. I’ll remember how you loved coffee and water all day regardless of season. I’ll always remember the way you loved us. I can’t thank you for all the times you made a way for things to happen. I’ll always remember you singing in the car embarrassing us. I’ll always remember how you cooked dinner all the time. Going to the grocery store and always getting to pick our own special treat. Our porch conversations. My first and only prom. Car concerts. Brushing my hair just because I loved having my hair played with. Your blue eyeliner. How fiercely you love all your children. I’ll always remember that you HAVE to have half and half for coffee, never creamer, and ice for your water. Your favorite song, “The Reason” by Hoobastank. On my way to have my first daughter, singing Strawberry Wine as loud as we possibly can to distract me from the contractions. Holding my hand the entire time I pushed and prayed and pushed some more delivering both of my children. Regardless, you helped me get through both unmedicated deliveries and I don’t think I could have done it without you. Helping me hold my babies because I was completely exhausted but I didn’t want to give them up to anyone just yet, you just sat beside the bed and helped hold my arms until I fell asleep. Staying with me during surgeries and screaming at the nurses when I was sick from anesthesia. Reminding me that I am incredibly valuable, even though you couldn’t see it in yourself, you always made me remember it.
Regardless of your life choices, regardless if you never see me again, I’ll know. We all know. We love you.
I hope you will always know that you will always be my mother, no one can take your place. That’s why I need you. My children need their grandmother. I don’t want to keep having family events and not have you here. I don’t know why you chose the things you did. I don’t know why things are the way they are. But you changed, and it hasn’t been the same. I don’t want to wake up one day and regret not having you in my life.
All I ask is please don’t let the only time I’m around you be at one of our funerals.
