What 'Bojack Horseman' Character You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign

What 'Bojack Horseman' Character You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign

I suddenly hate being a Scorpio

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We all love "Bojack Horseman." We all love zodiac signs. Have you ever wondered what character you are based on your zodiac sign? Look no further, here's a complete list of what "Bojack Horseman" character you are based on your zodiac sign:

Aries: Sarah Lynn

You like to have fun and are very adventurous. Even when everything seems to be going wrong in your life, you still find a way to make it enjoyable.

However, you're very childish in the sense that you want everything to go exactly the way you want. And when it doesn't, your outbursts are unbearable. Please don't pull a Sarah Lynn and stab yourself in order to get your way.

Taurus: Emily

You're an extremely dependable person, making you a great friend. You're patient, which allows you to usually reach your goals. Your stubbornness helps accomplish your goals.

However, you tend to be a bit possessive over those in your life, especially your romantic interests. Aka, Emily basically asking Todd to change his sexuality so she can be with him instead of compromising herself.

Gemini: Rutabaga Rabitowitz

You are one of the least boring people around as you are so full of life. You're always energetic and quick on your feet (subtle rabbit joke).

However, your tendency to gossip and superficiality make people think you're two-faced. You're a little unpredictable, in relationships and in your work. Maybe don't try and start a romantic relationship with a coworker to further your career while you have a wife at home (I'm looking at you Rutabaga).

Cancer: Charlotte Moore

You fit the mom role to a tee. You're caring and nurturing to all of those you care about, knowing how to take care of them almost better than they do themselves.

However, when you fail you often get overly emotional and cause those around you to be uncomfortable. You're prone to moodiness, and the littlest thing will cause you to get deep into your feels. Although these overreactions can be justified sometimes, if we all remember the awkward Charlotte-Bojack confrontation at the end of Season 2 (big yikes).

Leo: Wanda Pierce

You're a born leader. You're a people person and like to keep busy, being very ambitious in your career. Due to your friendliness and creativity, you often are successful in reaching your goals. However, you won't let anything get in the way of your goals or happiness. You look out for yourself first and have no problem calling people out who bring you down.

Like Wanda, you don't have a problem calling people out if someone is really crushing your vibe.

Virgo: Princess Carolyn

You're extremely intelligent and driven. When someone has a problem, you're the person they want on their side. You're career driven, and your focus on your career usually results in success.

Due to this drive, however, you're a perfectionist and are never truly satisfied with who you are because every little detail matters to you. You can be over demanding of others in the quest to reach this perfection. Hey Princess Carolyn, it's okay to take a break from your job ya know.

Libra: Hollyhock Manheim-Mannheim-Guerrero-Robinson-Zilberschlag-Hsung-Fonzerelli-McQuack

You are very balanced, peaceful, and sociable. You're a natural mediator, and do a great job at making sure everyone around you is happy. People love to be around you, as you are a very calm and soothing presence.

But in your goal to make sure everyone is happy, you often let people take advantage of you. You won't hesitate to risk your own happiness for the happiness of others. Like Hollyhock, you are a sweetheart and a light in everyone's lives. But don't forget that your happiness matters, too.

Scorpio: Ana Spanakopita

I really didn't want Ana Spanakopita to be the character designated as a Scorpio since I'm a Scorpio and cannot stand her, but the facts don't lie. On the plus side, you are intensely passionate and make everyone around you feel alive with your presence. You're ambitious and make sure you always get things done, along with basically being a human lie detector.

This is a double-edged sword, causing you to have deep trust issues. You're always suspicious of others. You're prone to jealousy and will resort to manipulation to ensure you get what you want. Your temper is the one thing people fear most about you.

Sagittarius: Mr. Peanutbutter

You're the life of the party. You're the most enjoyable person to be around, causing those around you to naturally gravitate toward you. You're independent and full of energy, always seeking out your next great adventure.

Due to your pleasure-seeking personality, you tend to get bored easily and ignore your responsibilities. You tend to not be consistent, quick to drop something if it no longer brings you pleasure. Not every day is a party, Mr. Peanutbutter, you have to be an adult sometimes.

Capricorn: Bojack Horseman

You have big goals and plans for yourself. You have no problem tackling whatever obstacle comes your way. Like Bojack's quest for fame, you know you're destined for something more and will not stop until you reach your true potential.

However, you tend to be insecure in the pursuit of your goals. This insecurity then breeds pessimism, and your emotions suffer. You appear emotionally detached from those around you, and your goal-driven nature gives off the image that you're egotistical and arrogant. WE JUST WANT TO LOVE YOU BOJACK STOP MAKING IT SO HARD.

Aquarius: Diane Nguyen

You have a large humanitarian drive, wanting to make the world a better place in any way you can. You're intelligent and always have a new project up your sleeve. You tend to be stubborn once you set your mind to something and always believe your way is the right way. You're not born to follow, and often seem rebellious while pursuing unconventional projects that you deem important. You don't think with your heart, but with your mind, making you seem cold and distant to those in your life.

Diane is the absolute worst, but I have faith for all you other Aquarius' out there.

Pisces: Todd Chavez

You are the most imaginative sign. Your creativity and imagination are captivating, even if those around you don't completely understand your artistic ideas (Todd's Disneyland looked like a hot mess, but how many of us could say we could pull that off?). You're a dreamer, and I think I can speak for all the signs saying we would do anything to explore what goes on inside your head. You're compassionate and put your creative abilities to use in helping others.

Although you have so many great ideas: if your plan strays even slightly you'll just drop it altogether. This shows your lazy and weak-willed side, you are easily deferred if things don't go your way or appear too difficult. My word of advice: push through it so someone can finally invent a smoodie.

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50 Crazy Shower And Stoned Thoughts

“In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you’ve left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you.” -Woody Allen
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Wether its shower thoughts or ideas we had while we are high, I bet we have all thought of some weird things at one point or another. Here is 50 weird thoughts from the internet and from me.


1. Food Vs Drink

In the english language you can drink a drink but you don't food a food.

- me and apparently quite a few other people on the internet


2. Living Room

Can you die in a living room? Has anyone ever died in a living room? It would be the most ironic death to have. If somebody dies in a living room, is it still a living room?


3. Multi universe Theory

If the multi universe theory is true, is there a universe where it isn't?


4. Fly

If a fly losses its wings is it now a walk?


5. Lightning McQueen

Would Lightning McQueen get care insurance or life insurance?


6. Pinocchio

What would happen if Pinocchio said his nose was going to grow?


7. Rainday

If it rains on a Sunday does that mean that its now Rainday?


8. Bedroom

When you buy a bigger bed you have more bed room but less bedroom.


9. Blind Dreams

Can a blind person see their dreams?


10. Cinderella

If her outfit was supposed to disappear at midnight, why did her shoe not go away too? Also if Cinderella's shoes fit perfectly to her feet, why did one fall off in the first place?


11. Moonwalking

If you moonwalk on the moon, are you just walking?


12. Cookies & Bacon

Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


13. Deaf Thoughts

If someone is born deaf, what language do they think in? Do they think in written words and pictures? Do they think in sign language?


14. Seaweed

If you were to smoke weed at sea, does that make it seaweed?


15. OMG

Would Jesus Christ say "oh my God" or "oh my dad"?


16. Race

If you were in a race by your self, would you finish in first or last?


17. Driving

Why do we drive in parkways and park in driveways?


18. Sweater

If you sweat in a sweater, does that make you the sweater?


19. Mars

When Mars becomes colonized, will anyone born there be considered a Martian?


20. Fetch

What if the dog brings the toy, ball, or stick back to you just because they think you enjoy throwing it and want to make you happy?

- me


21. Tomato

If Tomatoes are really a fruit, is ketchup a jelly/jam?


22. Water

If humans are mostly water, does that mean that Earth is mostly human?


23. I'm Sorry

I'm sorry and I apologize have the exact same meaning unless you are at a funeral.


24. Building

Why is a building called a building if its already built?


25. Apple Houses

If Apple were to make houses, would the houses have Windows?


26. God

Assuming the bible and Christianity is real, God created us but who created God? Did he create himself and if so how? Did somebody else create him and if so, does that mean that there really is more than one God but hes too egotistical to acknowledge this since he wants all attention on himself? And who would of made the God that made God? Did the big bang perhaps make God instead? If the big bang made God, is that a good enough thought / explanation to how the world was created, that would make both scientists and religious people happy and thus bringing upon peace between the two very different ways of thinking?

Also what if God stays in Heaven and doesn't interact with us as much any more because he actually fears what he has created?

- Me and a quite a few other people on the internet


27. Age Old Question

If it was possible to eat all of yourself would you become twice as big or would you disappear?

- Pretty much everyone


28. Dora The Explorer

If Dora is an explorer, why does she only visit mapped areas.


29. Answers

If you replace the w with a t in what, where, when, you have an answer.


30. Hitler

What would of happened if Hitler would of got accepted into the Vienna art school? Would Hitler ever have got into politics at all? Would he still have written mein kampf or became such a powerful leader? Would there still have been Jew hatred and concentration camps? Would Germany have even been in world war 2? Would we be studying Adolf Hitler as a great artist with a charismatic personality instead of a powerful dictator that many will agree is a horrible person?

- Me


31. Holy Shit

If you take a shit at church does that make it a holy shit?


32. Fossils

I the future, will modern humans ever be dug up and displayed at a museum like we did to dinosaur fossils and to the cavemen? Will there ever be a human version of Jurassic Park in which humans have the dino roles and the human roles will be replaced by what ever is the future's newest highest position life form and will this life form think that this jurassic park is something they came up with all their own?

- me


33. Radiation

In Japan, radiation makes giant monsters like Godzilla but in America, radiation creates superheros


34. Is Life Really Unfair?

If life is unfair to everyone, doesn't that make life fair?


35. History

History classes are only going to get longer and more difficult as time goes on.


36. Fire

Nothing is on fire, fire is on things.


37. Time is Money

If time is money, is an ATM a time machine?


A

Time

Machine


38. Lasagna

Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.


39. Argument

If two vegans or vegetarians argue, is it still considered beef?


40. Nine Months

If babies are in the womb for 9 months, why aren't they considered 9 months old when they are born?


41. Packages

Deliveries by ships are cargo and deliveries by car are shipments.


42. Home Work

If a teacher gives a homeless kid homework, is it still considered homework?


43. Actions

They say actions speak louder than words but isn't speaking an action?


44. Speed Run

Would every Sonic play though be considered a speed run?


45. Cheese Cake

Cheese cake is secretly a pie.

- my brother Chris, some of his friends, and me.


46. Clapping

Clapping is repeatedly hitting yourself because you like something.


47. Grammar Nazi

The person who would proof read Hitler's speeches was a grammar nazi.


48. Dirt

When ever you dig up a rock or some dirt, that could be the first time it has seen the sun in millions of years.


49. Ninjas

What if every country has ninjas and we only know about Japan's ninjas because they are so bad at being ninjas?


50. Poop

Every day, someone on Earth takes the biggest poop in the whole world for that day. That person could even be you!

Cover Image Credit: Teaching High School Psychology

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16 Struggles That Give All Retail Workers Nightmares, Even After They've Worked Their Last Shift

Let's just hope my boss doesn't see this.

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If you haven't worked in retail, count your blessings. This summer will mark my third official retail job, and let's just say I am less than excited to return to the dreaded retail employee lifestyle. There are so many cons that we have to put up with on the daily, is it even worth the minimum wage salary?

1. Waking up every weekday morning before your shift and contemplating whether the money is worth it

"Is dragging myself out of bed worth my cheque of $500 before taxes?"

2. And if you're lucky enough, being blessed with the task of opening

Two words: kill me.

3. Having to fake a smile for the entirety of your shift.

And if that isn't bad enough, having your amazing customers remind you to "smile" while you're internally just trying not to lose your shit.

4. Being stuck with the lazy coworkers on your shift

I don't have time to do my job and also teach you how to do yours. Next.

5. And the worst one of all, dealing with the most absurd questions from your customers

No, I won't give you something for free because you have been shopping here for years. I can give you a store credit card, though.

6. Even worse? Having to listen to the weirdest stories from your customers

I once had a customer narrate her entire infidelity and divorce story to me, and I awkwardly had to sympathize while just trying to print her papers. At one point she reached over the register and tried hugging me. Not a fun time.

7. Being yelled at during rush times when you're trying your best

Yes, lady, I understand the line is long. But you're going to have to wait on it just like everyone else. I'm not going to roll out a special expedited red carpet for you.

8. Explaining something to a customer and receiving the "Can I talk to your manager?" bit every time

Everything I am telling you was taught to me by my, surprise, manager! But I guess the arguing is worth it when we laugh about the whole thing in the break room later.

9. Constantly having to clean up mysterious messes

Maybe it's because my parents raised me better, but whenever I go shopping I try to refrain from making a mess. Customers I have encountered, however, seem to enjoy messing up everything they come in contact with.

10.  I'm sorry that your coupon is expired

I really am. But I guarantee you, no matter how many times I scan your coupon, it will not work.

11.  Customers assuming that you know every damn thing

I once had a customer ask me if I knew who the CEO of my employer was, and when I said no, he told me I needed to do "my research." Yes, thank you, I'll be researching all right — on how to get the heck out of this place.

12.  Not being informed of how much math goes into the job

All the math I have learned, all the way up to Calculus 2, magically disappears from my mind when I'm at the register and need it more than I have ever needed it in my life. Suddenly I don't know how many nickels go in to a dollar.

13.  When customers try getting in despite the very large "CLOSED" sign and locked doors

I promise you, no matter how many times you yank at the door and yell at me to open it, I'm not. It's kind of entertaining watching you go at it, though.

P.S. We are required to log off all cash registers immediately after the set closing time, so there is no point of even trying to get in. You can't buy anything.

14.  Having to stay over your designated shift

Once I was forced to do a 12-hour shift without being informed of prior because one of my coworkers decided to call out "sick." She also ended up getting fired the following week, but I'mma sip my tea.

15.  Talking crap about your workplace with your favorite coworkers

You'll be surprised as to how quickly people can bond over annoying customers and shitty bathrooms. Having great coworkers honestly makes working a billion times more tolerable.

16.  The time we dream about all day and look forward to impatiently: when your shift is finally over

Once I clock out and my uniform is off, I am also mentally clocked the fuck out. Whatever chaos is happening is not my problem. Good luck to those clocking in, though.

If you work in retail, kudos to you, because honestly we're really forced to deal with the worst shit on a daily basis, there is no escape. And if you haven't worked in retail, perhaps this helps you gain insight on our nightmarish lives — so if you're mean to your cashiers, cut it out.

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