You are you.
You are your body. Your body doesn’t belong to anyone but to you. It doesn’t belong to the mother that birthed you or the father that spews his patriarchy in your ear day and night. You don’t belong to the house in which you reside. You don’t belong to the job that breaks your back or the customers you serve on a daily basis.
You are not your partner’s property. You are not the folds in their sheets. You’re not the answer to their reaching fingertips. You don’t belong to them.
You don’t belong to the world’s expectations of you.
In the throes of life, we often forget to take care of ourselves. We don’t remember that our body is our own and that we need to do things for ourselves every once in awhile. I’ve seen a lot of posts on social media sites lately that promote a child’s right to do what they wish in regards to their body. They shouldn’t be forced to sit on Santa’s lap if they don’t want to. They don’t want to kiss the relative that they’ve met only one other time and act like they have some sort of connection with them just because they’re related.
In life, we all have to do stuff that we don’t want to do. You’re gonna have to look that guy, Terry, in the eye even though he only looks at your cleavage. You’re going to have to shake hands with your boss and be polite to the customer that’s yelling at you for no reason. We’re taught that that’s okay when in reality it isn’t.
We’re taught that consent is important as we grow older and form into thinking, sexual beings as adults, yet children are forced to kiss their relatives on the threat of punishment from their parents. We’re taught at a young age that forced affection is normal because we don’t want to seem rude, even though we might barely know the person we’re forced into contact with. I’m going, to be honest: I’m not very close with my extended family. If I don’t want to give someone a hug, a stranger a hug, then I shouldn’t be taught that this form of submission is polite at a young age. I shouldn’t be guilted into anything. Yet, as adults, we’re guilted into sex for the sake of someone else’s feelings. So, when that creep on tinder calls you stuck-up, you’re sitting there thinking that you’ve offended them, when in reality, their expectations have pigeon-holed you into a being that isn’t compatible with your bodily autonomy.
Even if you offend the other person that wants to take your bodily autonomy, you have to remember that your body belongs to no one but yourself.
It can be hard. Compatibility in mutual relationships is incredibly important. You might not have a partner that wants to cuddle as much as you do or refuses to hold your hand and it can hurt. In that case, you need someone that aligns with your interests. You shouldn’t feel bitter because someone else isn’t willing to share their body with yours. If that’s the case, it’s a mismatch. You deserve someone that will respect you and fulfill your needs, but it’s unfair to push someone into a role that they don’t want.
Societal expectations especially stretch into the realm of gender identity and sexuality. We know the world in two colours when it comes to gender: male and female. In reality, gender is a spectrum that’s thankfully been brought into an ever-increasing light over the last few years. Gender neutral bathrooms and growing places of safety for the LGBTQ community has increased awareness of body autonomy within the realm of gender identity.
Think of yourself without labels, without definitions. You are a blank slate and expectations of gender conformity have not yet defined you. You have body parts that are your own: my personal vagina isn’t equal to the woman’s next to me. It’s mine. It’s my own organ. A penis isn’t confined to the realm of being a masculine entity: it’s just another organ. Like a stomach, or a liver. For cisgendered people, it can be hard to understand when someone doesn’t identify with the gender that they were born with; they get confused when a girl wears traditionally masculine clothing one day and a dress the next.
It isn’t an issue of femininity or masculinity. They want to wear clothing that makes them feel good. Some days, it’s a dress. Another day, they can wear pants and a flannel. The issue of bodily autonomy comes into play when expectations of gender conformity try to stamp a label on that person: She should wear a dress. He should wear a suit.
They shouldn’t have to wear anything they don’t want to wear. It’s their body and they can do what they want with it. It isn’t yours. They should have the autonomy to do with it what they wish. It’s the same with children. “You don’t have to sit on Santa’s lap if you don’t want to.”
Respect their decisions.
