The one thing I won’t change about who I am today is how I got here. Life is made up of challenges and obstacles with choices that turn into experiences and makes us who we are. I won’t change who I am today because of where I have been.
One of the best feelings in the world is the anticipation you get hearing your child’s heartbeat for the first time. I knew then I was going to continue to care for people. Even amid all the hectic and crazy life choices that were being made. I somehow knew I would come out of this pregnancy stronger than I was before.
Originally, I went into the doctor’s office for a completely different procedure. One of my pap’s came back negative. Usually when that happens it could be a lot of different things, but the major concern is HPV. My doctor did some testing on me. He told me he had good news and bad news. I was freaked out hearing that. He went on to tell me that the good news is I didn’t have cancer; I asked what the bad news was, and he said well it isn’t really bad news. It’s also good news, you’re pregnant. I couldn’t believe it.
When the doctor said I was pregnant, I asked him to repeat himself. I had my grandmother with me, and I don’t think she believed him at first either. So she asked him to repeat it, too. It’s one of those things that you aren’t planning on happening.
I was so happy when I found out. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was so shocked but in a good way. I then asked when I could hear the heartbeat. He told me it would take a few more weeks to know more. I was only 6.5 weeks along. I was 6.5 weeks out of the 40 expecting weeks. I don’t know if you have ever waited almost 40 weeks for something, but I challenge you to do that. For example, wait 40 weeks to have a can of Red Bull.
This 40 weeks was the longest 40 weeks of my life. I had a very miserable, drawn out pregnancy, which I handled alone. The father of my daughter left when I was two months along. But we won’t get into that hardship. I’m telling you right now about the feeling of knowing you’re pregnant. The feeling of carrying someone else in your stomach — being a part of someone else. She was eating everything I was eating. She was drinking everything I was drinking. She was doing everything I was doing. It’s quite the feeling to know you are the reason someone else is alive. You are the reason someone else is breathing. It makes you important.
When my daughter was delivered, I was 38 weeks and six days pregnant. I7 wasn’t 40 weeks after all. I am so glad I got to meet my daughter earlier than normal. It was 6:24 a.m. on a Saturday morning in March. She was 8 lbs. and 8 oz. It’s weird to think of all the details you can remember from being in labor, yet not remembering the pain. The pain drifts away, becoming a distant memory. After the pregnancy, you feel even more important. Time goes by so fast. In the blink of an eye, my daughter is now almost two. She will be two on the 14th of this month. It’s crazy to think that's two years ago, I was pregnant with her. I was surviving my last few pregnant moments with her. It’s hard to believe that she’s going to be two.
