I push two huge, mahogany doors open, revealing a lavish ballroom, complete with Victorian dressed guests swirling around to Russian orchestral music. It is always Russian orchestral music, and never anything else, it seems. I scurry down the gigantic carpeted steps to curtsy at my partner--who never seems to be someone I recognize, though apparently, I am in love with him. The feeling seems familiar, like I have known this person for my entire existence.
We begin dancing, the feverish music causing me to become dizzy and distraught. And then, as if out of nowhere, I experience a miscarriage. My entrails and organs are seeping under my dress, and I panic, as I am quite sure I am going to die. However, in my head I know no one will listen until the music stops. I start losing colour in my face, and I can feel myself relying more and more on my partner, blood and muscles staining the polished floor wherever I dance. And then, the music stops. I see my chance to finally speak, to ask for help, but instead, I collapse to the ground.
And then I wake up.
Lately, I have been having this reoccurring dream, where I have taken hours upon hours attempting to decipher it. People say that dreams are just jumbled firings of the subconscious, attempting to sort out the events of the day. However, this does not explain reoccurring dreams--why are the same firings happening, even if the day's events have changed? And I know I am not the only one who has experienced reoccurring dreams, and so I have a theory to propose (and bear with me, it is still quite a work in progress). For some reason, our brains use dreams as a sort of DaVinci Code, giving us a full glimpse into our subconscious, staring us straight in the face--and then snatching it away by making it almost completely undecipherable.
But what I have been working towards is the actual coding. I have always been good at solving puzzles, but for some reason, this stumps me. My theory would be that each and every person has a different coding in their dreams--not just a DaVinci Code, but a Michelangelo Code, a Rossetti Code, and so on and so forth. The codes and symbols could go on for pages and pages of explanation, with small differences being the make or break points for certain meanings. Which leads me to think--what exactly are my codes?
I have been writing down my dreams for quite some time, trying to understand how certain parts in my dreams relate to my subconscious. I have nailed only a few of the symbols down in concrete, but this ballroom dream remains a mystery to me. And why is it replayed in my subconscious over and over again? Is there something my subconscious is trying to tell me, that I just do not understand? Is something being raised? A memory? A warning?
I know my brain is trying to tell me something, and all I can do is try to listen harder every time I sleep, aware that I will bleed out in the ballroom for another night.
