It's three AM and you're curled up in your bed sobbing into your pillow... again. Nights of tears and depressing country songs have become the norm and you can't seem to give yourself an explanation as to why you hurt so badly. Sure, he hurt you, but that was so long ago. Shouldn't you be over it? Shouldn't you find comfort somewhere else? It's as if you take one step forward only to take three steps back. You only seem to hurt worse than you did to begin with.
You wonder how someone could treat a person the way he treated you. How he could make you feel the way you do and leave your heart scattered across the floor with only yourself to clean up the mess. But then you recall that horrible thought that perpetuates in the back of your mind. "Is it my fault? Did I bring this all on myself? Was I too clingy? Too pushy? Did I love too much or not enough?" Your heart begins to race as it has time and time again and tears well up in your eyes and stream down your cheeks. You manage quick breaths in between the squalling and sniffling and call out in the midst of your drowning, "What is wrong with me?"
You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and take the blame for it all. There seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel and no sunrise to end the darkness. You feel as though your days won't get better and that all you have to look forward to is this pain, but that is definitely not true.
"In your soul, there are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you." Oscar Wilde
There are a multitude of amazing things about you that you don't recognize. You feel the hurt and there seems to be no way of resurfacing, but there is. We're fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the universe. You need to learn that though the one who told you they would never leave did, you are blessed beyond measures. Your pain isn't less important than anyone else's. It isn't your fault and there is nothing wrong with you.
It isn't your fault that you're hurting.
It isn't your fault that you loved with the full capacity of your heart.
It isn't your fault that he couldn't see your beauty.
It isn't your fault that he stole the life growing in you.
It isn't your fault that you don't feel like yourself.
It isn't always your fault.
"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:6-7
