Growing Up Mixed

When you look at me, what do you see? Well I hope you see an independent, respectful, compassionate young woman. Unfortunately, most people just see my looks. They look at me and see a Black girl with nappy hair. They begin to make their judgments about me based on my appearance. They may not truly know me, but they assume they do, all because of my looks. Well, you know what they say about those who assume?

I have faced my fair share of discrimination. I have been left out because I am black. I remember early in my childhood, when I was camping with my grandpa. I was off playing at a park on the camping ground. There were two little girls around my age. We were about 6 years old. I remember asking if I could play with him. I figured they would say yes because we were so similar. We were all little girls. But I was wrong. We were not similar. In fact we were more different than I could have imagined. The difference was our skin color. I was black and they were white. You would think that at 6 years old, we would all be colorblind. Unfortunately, that's not how it works. We may be born without prejudice, but we can learn to hate. That must have happened with these two little girls because they told me I couldn't play, because I was black. That one moment in my life has stuck with me my entire life. In that one moment I had never felt so defeated.

The second moment in my life where my color made be feel inferior to others, came when I was 15 years old. As I ran inside from getting the mail, my neighbor said three words that I will never forget. He said “Run, n*****, run”. I was in shock so I quickly reacted without thinking. As my back was turned to him, I held my arm straight in the air, made a fist, and extended my middle finger into the air. To this day, I still feel bad. But why should I? I wasn't violent like I very well could have been. I was reacting to racism. Some would have taken it a step further, so maybe I wasn't so much in the wrong.

Those two instances in my life really showed the discrimination I faced for being black. However, I have faced another type of discrimination based on my race. This discrimination doesn't necessarily come from a place of hate. I deal with it everyday from my friends and family.

The discrimination is not for being black. It's more not looking dark enough to be black, and not acting black. I hear it all the time. “You don't look black.” “You look white.” “You aren't dark enough to be black.” And the most ridiculous statement. “You act white”. It all boils down to not being black enough.

First of all, last I checked, you can't act a color or race. A color is not an action or part of your personality. That is just so idiotic to me.

Second of all, since when does being dark mean you are black. There are many shades of black. It is not just one thing. Black people come in all shades. Black is like a color palette that is unlimited with the various shades that make up the beautiful color, that is black.

All of this comes down to stereotypes. We have been conditioned to judge people based on their skin color. We see the way television and movies portray people and so we expect all people of that race to be the same.

Well that's not how it works. People act in all kinds of ways. They have all types of personality. Their color does not make them who they are. They are gonna act the same way and have that personality regardless of their colors. Who they are, should never be defined by how they look.

Unfortunately, that's how people see it. If they didn't, my mixed skin wouldn't have made me such an easy target for discrimination.

But I am stronger because of it. I am not a victim. I am not defined by my skin color. And I am not black. I am not white. I am not mixed. I am Dom. I am a woman. I am an independent, respectful, and compassionate woman. I am me. And that is all I need to be.