“Seinfeld.” It’s a show about four single friends living their everyday lives in New York City. Some may say it's a show about nothing. Some may say it's a show about everything. Regardless, their daily shenanigans get just about as crazy as Black Friday does every year.
The show is a bit of an oldie, and if I had to label a show as a “Dad show,” it would be this one. By this, I mean, my Dad is obsessed with this show, and his obsession has grown on me. When my Dad speaks, there’s a 50/50 chance what he says will be a quote from “Seinfeld.” That’s not an exaggeration.
So, in honor of the biggest day of shopping, of a great show, and of the fact that Jerry Seinfeld will be in the Minneapple in January of 2017 (still waiting on tickets to go see him, Dad), here is Black Friday shopping as told by a show almost as crazy as the day itself.
1. When your alarm goes off.
It's too early to exist, let alone get out of bed, but you pull yourself together anyway. You can sleep when you're dead, but you can't shop!
2. When you arrive at the mall and can't find a parking spot.
Insanity later.
3. When a psycho shopper (which you are not one of) spills your coffee on you.
4. When you see the length of the line at your favorite store.
Ugh, here we go.
5. When you’re waiting in line.
6. When you find a prime clothing item and the last one is in your size.
Shoutout to the shopping Gods.
7. When you’re trying to get to the next store in a timely fashion, but there are slow walkers testing your patience everywhere.
You are surrounded by them. You. Can’t. Escape. When will slow walking be declared an illegal activity?
8. When you see a 50 percent off sign in a store’s window.
Oh, what a wonderful world.
9. When your friends have to stop for a bathroom break, but there are no breaks when you're hunting in the jungle.
Focus, friends. This is SERIOUS business. Eyes on the prize at all times.
10. Unless, of course, you take a break for food.
Gotta keep your energy up.
11. But, the place you go to for food is out of your favorite menu item.
I guess you'll have to settle for a big salad.
12. When you realize you're overspending.
There's no stopping you now. All you can do is embrace it.
13. When you overhear other shoppers talking about buying something you want, so you try to scare them away.
You flash a crazy face or yell something like "Maybe the dingo ate your baby!" at them. You also start to realize you may be as psycho as the shopper that spilled your coffee on you, but you have no regrets.
14. You may even tell them a lie if you're savage like that.
"Oh, I heard that item has already been sold out! Bummer, right?"
15. You gather your new possessions, go home, life goes on...
