In the Bible, Psalm 139:14 states, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." God has made me in his image. He has made me kind, patient, and understanding. Although there are many who are like me, I am one of a kind. I identify as a bisexual and a Christian. Sadly, there are still people who see these two factors mixing as well as oil and water.
Since I was thirteen-years-old I knew that I was different. I knew that I looked at girls in a different way than my friends did, ways that I was too embarrassed to share with anyone. I listened to queer artists through my headphones and cried myself to sleep because I kept thinking "God hates who I am, I am going to be punished for this."
This secret of mine and the lies I told myself about everyone hating me tore me apart for seven years. I kept to myself because girls are supposed to like boys. I felt guilty and started to hate myself for it. It is unfortunate to say that I have suffered from severe clinical anxiety which eventually spiraled into depression. I was so terrified that I would become disowned by family and my friends would just disappear.
Then one day during my junior year at Grand Canyon University, everything clicked. I realized that if I am a God's child and He made me, then why should I worry about him loving me? He will love me even though I am a bisexual female. God loves everyone regardless of what they label themselves as because God looks past labels, and that's the true meaning of equality.
As a writer, I currently search for inspirational stories to help me with difficult situations.
I continued to read God's word every day and let his love flood my life. My eyes danced across the pages and I let my heart and soul absorb God's goodness. I knew that I would always be secure in His love. Even when it felt like the whole world was against me, I knew that He was with me. I realized that this feeling of betrayal from the world was the same way that Jesus felt when he was being led to the cross to be crucified.
I started talking to people in the LGBTQ+ community about my feelings towards girls and it turns out in my favor a lot of them are also Christian and were also terrified to come out. A few of them ended up becoming my close friends (You know who you are, thank you). We talked for hours on end about how it is okay to be content with who you are, and to invest your time into someone who will love you back equally, if not more.
By the end of the semester, I was done keeping secrets. I finally got the courage to tell the first girl that I liked her and then the courage to come out to my best friends, and then my family. Like letting go of a fifty-pound backpack, I literally felt myself become lighter. The more I said it, the happier I was. I thanked Jesus for giving me the words when I felt like a broken record.
My entire life I have been struggling to love myself for who I really am, and you should too. I am currently talking to a beautiful girl who makes me feel so loved and comfortable in my own skin. In honor of pride month (June 2018), I want to let each and every one of you know that you are unique and it is okay to make your voice heard when you are ready for others to hear it.