WANTED
For the robbery of The Backyard Bird Feeder
If the perpetrator of this high crime is not caught or does not voluntarily come forward in due time, the local bird community will launch a boycott to shed light on the injustice of a outrageously long standing tradition of ignoring rodent thieves simply on the basis that some might deem their outward appearances to be ‘cute’.
Representatives from the local bird community spoke with their sheriff in town, who goes by the name of ‘Owl’ and protested:
“We think that it is definitely not okay to let some animals possessing fluffy tails and big eyes get off entirely without punishment while others of a more round and feathery shape have to make do with the leftover scraps. Winter is hard upon us and everyone should have an equal chance at consuming food. After all, no-one deserves exclusive access to the entire bounty that resides in The Backyard Bird Feeder, and that includes, no intimidating eye contact, tail twitches, or beady eye stare downs! We have had enough!”
Another bird flew in on the impromptu congregation and introduced himself as Mr. Chick A. Dee, who tipped his black top hat before boldly adding,
“If our demands are not met within one week, our protest will result in a backyard deck completely devoid of feathered life for many years to come, or perhaps, even forever. Despite how many times some of us might like to show off how many feathers they have stored on their plumage,” a pointed glance to a nearby robin, “we can’t survive on body heat alone. We need sustenance, and we need it now!”
The robin in question puffed out his red chest even further and looked away from his accuser in barely stifled indignation.
A finch named Mr. Gold hopped up beside the ruffled robin and chirped,
“It is high time for someone to take care of these ruffians, I dare say their becoming quite a nuisance in my day to day routine! One minute the bird feeder is full, the next, there is nothing but empty seed shells on the floor and the empty metal frame laying broken on the ground. Why they are so intent in eating seeds is beyond me, but at least save some for us!”
And so the bird council split up, each with their own ramblings of horror filled seed stories, taking their individual, respective paths to their nests and settling down for a long wait for the perpetrator to be turned in.
