Every major is unique, and every major comes with its own set of struggles that those in that major quickly become all too familiar with. For English majors, these struggles revolve almost exclusively around three things: reading, writing and grammar. Now, to all you non-English major out there, those things may seem like small potatoes compared to what other majors face, but trust me...
For one, as an English major, you’re stuck in a constant paradox of having to read all the time, and therefore never having time to read.
Never having time to read for pleasure, that is. Those hundred of pages of assigned reading every week have killed your reading game.
Speaking of assigned reading, opening a book your professor assigned and being confronted with size 4 font and Bible-thin pages is the worst moment of your life every time it happens.
And it happens like, on a weekly basis.
Norton Anthologies are the bane of your existence and the reason that you have the back problems of someone twice your age.
Seriously, those things should be considered deadly weapons.
You’ve accepted that you’re going to be stuck in a never-ending Oxford comma debate for the rest of your life, and you’re far too passionate about whichever side you’re on.
(Also, the Oxford comma is entirely necessary, and you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands to convince me to give it up).
On the subject of grammar—seeing people make they’re/there/their or you’re/your mistakes is sometimes physically painful.
But you never actually correct anyone because you know it makes you sound like a pretentious grammar-obsessed douchebag. Which you are, but no one needs to know that.
Also, everyone assumes that you know how to spell every single word in the English language, and you’re constantly being asked how to spell things.
This has the side effect of making you super paranoid about your spelling lest people think you’re a failure as an English major, especially since spellcheck has deteriorated your spelling abilities just as much as it has for everyone else.
Your non-English major friends are constantly complaining about not being able to reach the page minimum on essays, while you’re over here struggling to confine yourself to ONLY five pages.
What can you say, you’re an English major—words are kind of our thing.
And of course, the question, the one that everyone always asks when they hear you’re an English major: “So, you want to be a teacher?”
And, when you say no, the ever-frustrating response of “Oh, so...what do you want to do?” said in the most bewildered tone imaginable, as if it’s inconceivable that you’d be an English major and not want to be a teacher. While there are tons of English majors that do in fact want to be teachers, believe it or not, not every single English major is pursuing the same career path. Shocking, I know. #notallenglishmajors
